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What the Doctor *Really* Means:

What the Doctor says What the Doctor really means
"This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and
profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."
"Welllllll, what have we here..." Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping
you will give him a clue.
"We'll see." "First I have to check my malpractice insurance."
"Let me check your medical history." "I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more
time with you."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." "I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." "I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit."
"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor." "I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear
thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt. (Proctologist also say
this a lot.)
"We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is
you're going to pay for it.
"Let me schedule you for some tests." "I have a 40% interest in the lab."
"I'd like to have my associate look at you." "He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune."
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." "I'm writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig."
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." "I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."
"That's quite a nasty looking wound." "I think I'm going to throw up."
This may smart a little." "Last week two patients bit through their tongues."
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?" "I can't remember your name, nor why you are here."
"Everything seems to be normal." "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."
"I'd like to run some more tests." "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this
"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?" He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will
split fees.
"There is a lot of that going around." "My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something
about this."

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