|
|
30 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus |
- Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
- While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
- Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
- While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
- Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
- Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
- Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and
wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way
home.
- Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
- While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
- Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
- Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
- Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
- While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
- Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
- Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
- Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
- Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
- Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
- Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
- Cut a big hole in your roof and cover it with a blanket, so that when Santa tries to land on your roof his sleigh crashes into your living room. Explain that you've been having problems with termites.
- Set up your living room to look like a workshop, and have people dressed up like elves making toys. When Santa comes, sneer and say, "What's the matter? Afraid of a little competition?"
- While he's on the roof, yell up to Santa, asking if he'll mind adjusting your TV antenna. When he does so, tell him, "That's good" and don't let him move until the "commercial" comes on.
- Put on a giant tree costume, and wear a sign that says, "Man-eating Tree - Stay Back." When Santa comes, wave your arms angrily and chase him back up the chimney.
- Shovel all the snow off of your roof, and replace it with whipped cream. Just when Santa is remarking how cute this is, light a bunch of firecrackers and throw them onto the roof. The explosions should make quite a mess, and maybe scare the reindeer away, too. If so, offer to loan Santa your car.
- Scatter the parts of a disassembled bicycle around your living room. Get Santa to help you put it together.
- Make your own stockings to hang over the fireplace. Have pictures on them of things like Santa getting hit in the head with a large rock, or Santa catching his beard on fire.
- Put a note that says, "For Santa" on a can that's labelled "Rat Poison." Cross out the words "Rat Poison" and write "Yummy Cookies."
- When Santa comes, act like you're wrapping Christmas presents. Have boxes that say things on them like "Dead Elf" or "Human Skull." If Santa asks, explain that they're for needy children.
- Set up bowling pins in front of your fireplace. When Santa comes down the chimney, throw the ball at him. Angrily tell him to get out of your lane.
- Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come, and then put up your fists and say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
Click here for the next bawdy,christmas joke
About JokeTribe
These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.
If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.
Why we switched to Firefox
We've all heard the stories. Stories about innocently searching the internet with Internet Explorer when, all of a sudden, all the alarms are going off with your virus scanner. Programs are installing themselves. Warnings about Smitfraud-C, SpyAxe, and Vcodec are popping up on your screen.
And some of us have had firsthand experience. Firsthand experience that has led us away from IE and to other browsers like Firefox.
And why is that? Well, virus writers are generally going to be trying to get the most bang for their buck, ,just like everyone else. That's why. And IE currently provides them with that. It still has the largest market share, likely due in large part that it comes preinstalled on most computers.
But just because it's preinstalled doesn't mean you have to use it and expose yourself to all the spyware and virii targetted to it. You can do what an ever growing portion of users out there are doing. You can switch to
Browse Amazon Bestsellers
Joke Categories
- Dirty Jokes(267)
- Geeky Jokes(187)
- Tame Jokes(203)
- Christmas Jokes(82)
- Funny Videos(66)
More Joke Options
Text Link Ads script error: local_85770.xml does not exist. Please create a blank file named local_85770.xml.