I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good
this year, and since you have, I will tell my ELVES to make some goodies
to leave under your Christmas tree.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the Twelve Days of
Christmas, but we have had a little problem up here: The Twleve Fiddlers
Fiddling have all come down with V.D from fiddling with the Ten Ladies
Dancing. The Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up The Eight Maids a
Milking and The Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for doing weird
things to The Seven Swans a Swimming. The Six Geese a laying, Four
Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle Doves, an the Partridge in
a Pear Tree have me up to my ass in bird shit.
On top of all this, Mrs. Clause is going through menapause, eight of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined The Gay Liberation, and those
dumb ass Polacks have scheduled Christmas for the fifth of February.
Sincerely,
Santa Clause
