When she hauls ass she has to make two trips.
They had to grease a door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side
to get her through.
When she dances she makes the band skip.
Instead of Levi's 501 jeans she wears Levi's 1002s.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her
13 years to live.
When I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes crashing through the wall.
Her ass has its own congressman.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When God said "Let there be light" he told her to move her fat ass out of
the way.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw HER peanuts.
When your father mounts her his ears pop.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
She can't even jump to a conclusion.
Her nickname is "DAMN!"
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
She has to iron her pants on the driveway.
The shadow of her ass weighs 100 pounds.