Revised Retirement Policy

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

FROM: THE MANAGEMENT

SUBJECT: REVISED RETIREMENT POLICY

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for departmental areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under the plan, older employees will be asked to go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. The program will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel

 

 
Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the company. Provided that they are being RAPED, they can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, employees may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If employees follow the above procedure, they will be entitled to HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance). As HERPES is considered a benefit plan, any employee who has received HERPES will no longer be RAPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure remaining younger employees that the company will continue its policy of ensuring that employees are well trained through Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). The company takes pride in the amount of SHIT employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any other company in this area. If an employee feels that not enough SHIT is received on the job, an appointment should be made with the appropriate first line manager. First line managers are empowered to ensure that employees receive all the SHIT they can stand.

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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.