by Ruben Bolling
"My 12 billion-year term is almost up--and I need *your support* for
12 billion more!!"
GOD for SUPREME DEITY
"Hey, His *name* is **God**!"
The campaign was not going well. God's previous inaccessibility
made his attempts at positive publicity seem disingenuous.
"...And I'm sure this new shopping mall will bring prosperity to the
whole tri-county area..."
"Hey, God! I prayed for a job eight months ago, and I'm still out
of work!"
Emboldened by the possibility of an ouster, people began expressing
"Famine, disease, misery, disasters... I say throw the Bum out." - Dirk Valle, Construction Worker
God's opponent, Norm Drucker, a successful entrepreneur, ran on a
business approach.
"I run a pretty darn good chain of car dealerships. I think I can
run the Universe *ever better*!"
Drucker's litany of proposals were real crowd pleasers.
NORM DRUCKER for SUPREME DEITY
Just a few more NEW IDEAS from Norm Drucker:
#134 a new beverage-holding appendage on all humans
#135 waffle trees
#136 no gravity one hour each day
#137 talking llamas
God tried to counter by revoking some of his less popular tenets,
but the polls wouldn't budge.
"Okay. You can use my name in vain. And I'm looking into the
adultery thing..."
In a final debate, God's divine wisdom was no match for Drucker's
sensational promises.
"He doesn't know anything about ruling the Cosmos! Evil is
*necessary* in order for Good to *exist*!"
"Evil! Gone! First 100 days!"
But in the end, God showed why an omnipotent incumbent is so tough
to beat.
_New_York_Bugle_
GOD WINS IN "MIRACULOUS" UPSET
Drucker Suddenly Afflicted With Boils