VooDoo Dick

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This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says:
"Doctor, I just can't have an orgasm."
"Do you masturbate?", he says.
"No luck". is the reply.
"How about cunnilingus?"
"Nope"
"Kick-start vibrator?"
"Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains.
"Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walks into the next room. He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Her eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents.
"What is it", she gasps.
"It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long, meaty shaft from the case. "It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch. VOODOO DICK, hand!" he commands. The
 
 
dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eye can see.
"Ooooh", she sighs.
"VOODOO DICK, case." The dick returns in a shot to its case.
"You may take this, but you must promise NOT to abuse its power."
"Certainly, of course, anything you say," she sputters as the wetness in her mouth matches the wetness in her panties.

So she takes the magic missile with her, thanking the good doctor and hurrying out to her car. But she can't wait to get home, so she prys the lid open on the seat next to her.
"VOODOO DICK, hand!" she commands. It flies eagerly into her hand. She is amazed by the size of this veiny tool, and quickly removes her underwear. "VOODOO DICK, pussy!" she screams, and it obliges. Burying itself inside her in an instant, she gasps with pleasure.
"VOODOO DICK, fuck me." It begins to thrust in and out.
"VOODOO DICK, faster!" It quickens the pace while the woman sits in sexual bliss. Unbelievable sensations course through her body.
"VOODOO DICK, harder!" It pounds away furiously as orgasms begin, one after the other. Soon the woman begins to tire, unaccustomed to this sort of satisfaction.
"VOODOO DICK, stop."

BUT IT WON'T STOP !!!!!!

"VOODOO DICK, stop now!", she yells.
It continues its relentless assault.
"Quit it, VOODOO DICK. That hurts"
It is oblivious to her desires. She finally manages to wrench it from her pussy and throw it out the window. Just as she gets the window rolled up, it is there against the glass, trying to get it.

She quickly starts the car and screeches away in terror. 60, 70, 80 mph. The VOODOO DICK hot on (and for) her tail. 90, 100. The woman starts to pull away as the dick fades away behind the last corner.
Sirens blare.
The women is babbling senselessly as the officer approaches her car.
"You-you have to let me go. There is this-this thing- gotta go" she yells.
"Lady, you were doing 100 miles an hour. What the hell is your problem?"
"You don't under-understand. There is this VOODOO DICK following me." she sputters.
"A WHAT?", the cop yells?
"A magic VOODOO DICK. It's after me!" she exclaims.
To which the cop replies, "VOODOO DICK, my ass!"

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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