Lessons on How to be Manly

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And now another addition of How to be Manly... Today: Lesson 4567.

Hot diggedy and Shazam! It's Saturday afternoon and that can mean only one thing, it's time to go to your local airport for your weekly flying lesson. That's right. For the last three months, you've been taking flying lessons making you one of the absolute manliest of manly men on your block. You not only truly enjoy the craft of flying, but you also enjoy the manly friendship you have developed with Scott, your flight instructor. Yes indeed, you two have hours of fun telling airplane stories and exchanging jokes about the sex lives of farm animals. However as you arrive at your flight school, you are informed that Scott is ill today and you will be instructed by a substitute instructor. "Oh well," you say to yourself, "at least I still get to fly." So you bound out to your waiting airplane only to be frozen in your tracks when you discover that your flight instructor is no less than a tall, slender, brunnette flying goddess.

 

 

Your chin is scraping along the runway as you approach her. You decide
that this aviatress would appreciate a dose of your manliness, but how can this be accomplished in a manly manner?

Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 4556 and repeat after me:

  1. "Uh, oh! UH, OH! I think I feel my landing gear extending!"
  2. "Say, yummy-britches. How about you sit on my lap and I'll fly
    through some turbulence?"
  3. "Let's play Amelia Aerhart. You be Amelia and I'll watch you go
    *down*."

Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and two seconds
later, when you find it very difficult to fly an airplane, after your hands have been shoved into a rotating propellor blade, you can rest assured that the young flight instuctor will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are.

Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly and, Good Day!"


And now, another addition of How to be Manly... Today: Lesson 2864.

Well, hot diggedy, it's Sunday afternoon. One of your favorite days of the week where you do nothing but sit around all day drinking copious amount of beer and passing wind as you watch your favorite sport on TV. However, this week, your wife has different ideas. She insists that you accompany her to the local colloseum to attend a (dare I say it) *dog* show. Normally this would be a most manly activity if this was a show featuring dogs retrieving innocent ducks that have been blown out of the sky or perhaps a cat chasing contest.

But No! This show has such things as little tooty-fruity French poodles with little pink ribbons in their hair and small Pomeraneans that look like exploded fur-balls. Since you are married, you naturally have no say-so whatsoever as to whether you attend the show or not. So, once you have arrived, you need to show your displeasure. But how can this be accomplished in a manly manner?

Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 2456 and repeat after me:

  1. "Mmmm...Mmmmmm, honey. This place smells just like your home
    cookin'."
  2. "Gee, too bad your mother didn't come with us, she could have taken
    first prize."
  3. "Golly! I haven't seen this many bitches in one place since all of
    your sisters came to visit!"

Use any of the above phrases in just a situation and for the next month as you notice that not only does her cooking smell like a dog show, it mysteriously tastes like one too. You can rest assured that your wife will have no doubts as to what kind of man you really are.

Until next time, this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly, and Good Day!"


And now another addition of How to be Manly... Today: Lesson 4836

Well, it appears that your Saturday afternoon watching pro-wrestling has been ruined. This morning, when you woke up, at 1pm, your wife informed you that your refrigerator has broken down yet again. "That does it!" you say. It's alright to have the wife go out and get takeout meals to bring home for dinner, but what's unbearable is the fact that now you won't have any cold beer to drink while you watch your favorite shows on TV. So it's off to the appliance store to buy a new fridge. You cautiously check to make sure that no one sees you entering the appliance store, for purchasing a new ice box straddles the fine line between manly and unmanly activities. However, when you discover that your salesperson is a most highly attractive, buxom, young woman, you decide that you will be able to assert your manliness after all. But how can this be accomplished in a manly manner?

Follow along in your Manly Manual, page 4521 and repeat after me:

  1. "Say toots, how'd you like to show me where I can store my sausage?"
  2. "My wife told me I could get a new box, and she told me to get a new
    refrigerator while I was at it."
  3. "Hey Hey Hey! I'd sure like to pop a cucumber in your crisper."

Use any of the above phrases in just such a situation and as the female salesperson demonstrates just how well their deluxe deep freeze will hold your entire body, you can rest assured that she will have no doubts as to what kind of many you really are.

Until next time this is Mr. Manly saying "Be Manly, and Good Day!"

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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.