The only thing any Government has not taxed is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that
- 40 % of the time it is hanging around unemployed,
- 20 % of the time it is pissed off,
- 30 % of the time it is hard up and
- 10 % of the time it is in the hole.
On top of this it has two dependents and both of them are nuts!
With the introduction of the income tax amendment act 1996, your penis will now be taxed according to its size.
To determine your category, please refer to Schedule 2 of the Income Tax return Form 8, which is included below. Please insert this information on pg. 2, section 7, line 3 on your standard 1040 form.
| 10-12 inches | Luxury tax | $50.00 |
| 8-10 inches | Pole tax | $25.00 |
| 6-8 inches | Privilege tax | $15.00 |
| 4-6 inches | Nuisance tax | $5.00 |
Please note that anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a 20% refund and special assistance as a handicapped person. Please do not request an extension.
Males exceeding 12 inches should file a long form under Capital Gains.
If you have any queries, please contact the nearest Income Tax office. The staff will be only too willing to handle your problem.
Sincerely,
Ivana Cuturpeckeroff
U.S. Tax Agent