Pick-Up Line Humor

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

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  • I recently came across an interesting statistic:
    Men who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi": 71%
    Women who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi": 100%
  • He: I'm a really good cook!
    She: What do you cook best?
    He: Breakfast in bed! (grins)
  • What do you like for breakfast?
  • Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
  • If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
    If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put you between f and ck.
  • I saw your picture in the dictionary today...next to the word 'beautiful'.

  • Nice dress/pants, can I talk you out of it?
  • What's your sign?
  • The best part of me is covered up.
    (If wearing swim trunks, a bikini, or a skimpy outfit)
  • Overheard in our computer lab:
    Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are.
  • Is your daddy a thief?
    No.
    Then who stole those diamonds and put them in your eyes?
  • Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
  • Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
  • You know, you're very easy on the eyes.
    You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.
  • There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
  • At an engineering school luncheon)
    He: Your eyes are emitting magnetic fields.
    She: Oh, and how do magnetic fields feel?
    He: Attractive...
  • Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
  • Are those fuck-me eyes, or fuck-you eyes?
  • Ya know, that wine really brings out the bloodshot in your eyes.
  • Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then touches himself (all this while she is watching him) and says:
    How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?
  • Do I know you from somewhere? Or is it just that you have your clothes on?
  • Excuse me, but don't you recognize me with clothes on?
  • I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
  • Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible".
  • Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.
  • She: I really enjoyed myself tonight.
    He: I enjoyed myself too. Maybe sometime we can let our bodies enjoy each other.
  • That dress would look awfully nice on my bedroom floor.
    That miniskirt would look great crumpled up at the end of my bed.
    That's a cute outfit. It would be even cuter wrinkled on my bedroom floor.
    I think that shirt would look great on the carpet beside my bed.
  • That's a nice watch. It would look great on my nightstand.
  • Do you know what would look absolutely terrific on you? Me.
  • Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?
  • Drop 'em.
  • Excuse me. Do you wanna fuck or should I apologize?
  • If we're not related, I'd like to be.
  • Say, didn't we go to different schools together?
  • Say, wasn't I blissfully married to you once?
  • Say, didn't we meet at Woodstock/college/the V.D. clinic?
  • Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
  • Wanna fuck like bunnies?
  • Help, I'm lost. Which way is it to your house?
    Hi, I'm new in town. Which way is it to your house?
  • Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
  • Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us.
  • I had a friend who used to hand out calling cards which said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." then watch the victim try to hold back her smile...
    Or he had cards that said:
    "Here I am, madly in love with you, on the verge of killing myself for your love and I don't even know your NAME________ PHONE_______"
  • I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
  • Hi, my name's Ron, how do you like me so far?
  • At the office copy machine:
    "Reproducing, eh? Can I help?"
  • There's an aura about you that's hidden and I want to bring that aura out.
  • Said to someone who is working at a job (waiter/waitress, salesperson, etc.):
    What time do you get off and how?
  • She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
    He: Do you have the energy?
  • Woman: Excuse me, do you have the time?
    Man: Do you have the place?
  • I hear there is a Toga Party tonight. Hey baby, want to get into my sheet?
  • What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?
  • Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?!?!!
  • Say mother! Want another? (if she has children)
  • Bond. James Bond.
  • Gosh, you're pretty/handsome!!!
  • Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
  • Take a chance on me.
  • Your place or mine?
  • Your place or the mens bathroom?
  • Your face or mine?
  • This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single.
  • Would you like to have morning coffee with me?
  • Do you want to come back to my place and pet my dog/cat?
  • You have the ass of a great artist.
  • A friend of mine who walked up to a young lady in a club and simply asked, "Are you ready to go home now?" She smiled a bit, stood up, and they left together.
  • If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold *it* against me?
  • When asked for a match:
    How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
    My penis, your vagina.
  • Is this love on a two-way street...or is it a dead end?
  • I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out.
  • Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
  • Interested in a hot and steaming dish of conversation?
  • Do you know the difference between conversation and sex?
    No.
    Wanna go upstairs and talk?
  • What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
  • Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
  • Let's go lie down and talk about it.
  • Do you know the difference between hamburgers and head jobs?
    No.
    Let's do lunch then!
  • So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
  • I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
  • I'd look good on you.
  • I would kill or die to make love to you.
  • I would die happy if I saw you naked just once.
  • Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
  • Hi! Can I buy you a car?
  • NOW, BITCH!
  • Oh, I'm doing fine! And you?
    (While looking at someone and waiting for them to say anything)
  • Aren't we supposed to get together for a candlelight dinner later tonight?
  • Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good restaurant here. Would you also like to join me?
  • My drink is getting lonely, so would you like to join me with one?
  • Fancy a fuck?
  • I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
  • My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.
  • Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
  • It's always good for you to see me again.
  • Hey! I like your shoes! Do you like mine??
  • He: Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods feed you these little pickles?
    She: No.
    He: Well, I'll have to show you what one is like, but it will be only one Greek god (point to yourself, then look down at your crotch) and I won't be feeding you little pickles.
  • I hate you...are you here with your friends?
  • I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was included.
  • Walk up to a girl, put your hands on her shoulders, and say, "I'd like to get something straight between us." and then look at your (you know)......
  • Wanna Dance?
    No!
    Wanna Drink?
    No!
    Wanna Fuck?
    Yes (pause) but not with you!
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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

 

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