Halloween Party Guide (really a general drinking guide)

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes
Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution : Get another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste ; Beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault : Glass is empty.
Solution : Find someone who will get you another pint.

Symptom : Room is spinning.
Fault : Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution : Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom : Feet cold and wet.
Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom : Feet warm and wet.
Fault : Loss of self-control.
Solution : Go outside and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom : Lap cool and wet.
Fault : Drooling on yourself.
Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom : Apartment is blurred.
Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution : Find someone who will get you another pint.

Symptom : Room swaying.
Fault : Air turbulence unusually high - window may be cracked.
Solution : Insert broom handle down back of jacket.

Symptom : Room moving.
Fault : You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another party - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Sympton : Bar looks like a circus.
Fault : You're at a circus.
Solution : Go to a bar.

Symptom : The opposite wall is white and has a lights on it.
Fault : You have fallen over backwards.
Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and fuzz - bunny's.
Fault : You have fallen over forwards.
Solution : Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom : You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault : You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution : Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom : Everything has gone dim.
Fault : The party is dying.
Solution : PANIC !!!!!

If you like what we have for you here on JokeTribe, please do consider donating to us. Any amount, even a small one, would truly be helpful.

 

About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.