Treasures in the Mailer Daemon's mailbox

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This is a repost.

Put the coffee *down* before reading. Set the soda aside. Consumption of food or beverage is not advised while reading this.

From: Joe Gross
Newsgroups: alt.sysadmin.recovery
Date: 2 Apr 1996 08:17:55 GMT

Apparently a lot of users get "message from talk daemon@blah.blah" and don't realize exactly what a daemon is. They apparently then try to "talk daemon" and then "mail daemon" when they find daemon is not logged on.

This is even better than the people who respond to "MAILER-DAEMON"

I was cleaning out /var/mail and found daemon's mailbox. After deleteing the ~1500 mails from "Mail Delivery Subsystem" these gems were left. The names have been removed to protect the clueless.

Subject: Re: Returned mail: Service unavailable

oh, go shove it up your ass

Subject: Just a question


I got your e-mail from a friend and they told me that I could get info on computers from you. Could you e-mail me back. I don't know much.

Subject: good luck try again

Hi hon! Guess what I got a message from the computer site that says you tried to email me but it never made it, last Saturday. Sniff. I'm sorry I missed it. I didn't read this mail from the comp site because I thought it was about a message I had sent to Poland. So anyway luv ya.

Subject: What up?

Hi- who are you and do you want to talk to me- did you interrupt my letter for something that I should know? Get back to me if you can and tell me who you are and what I should do.


Hi there,
I don't know who you are, but I just tried y-talking you back and nothing is happening. Am I doing it wrong or something. By the way, my name is Amy. Hi! So who are you? You can write me back if you want.

Subject: who are you dude?



Who r u and what did u do to my computer?

Subject: what the hell

please get a life.....

To: "0000-Admin(0000)"

ok, you want to speak? I don't know you...

To: Daemon

I've tried typing in "ntalk . . ." but it doesn't work!!!


what's the deal?

To: Who Knows

I am sorry i did not respond to the n-talk--I do not know how to

I also do not remember how to do irc--clue me in please

Good to see you the other day

Write back--Please

To: daemon Subject: Fuck Off!!!

Fuck Off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To: daemon
Subject: my pine doesn't work.

Excuse me, but everything was working fine and now that you fixed your problems, my pine program doesn'r ^?^?^[[D^[[D^[[D^[[D^[[C44^[[D
my pine program doesn't work and I can't correct my typos. Why
doesn't pine ha
ve permissiom ^?^[OP^[OPdelete
why can't I use pine. I don't know how to program or anything. I
can't even co
rrect typos because the delete and backspace buttons don't work. I'm

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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