The dating guide to reading the signs

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the
hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about
a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY

  1. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex

  2. Man gets in car withour opening door for woman - No foreplay

  3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins

  4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way
    - Is a virgin

  5. Can't hail a cab - Impotent

  6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif -
    Compulsive Don Quixote

  7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive
    Don Juan

  8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

  9. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow

  10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow

  11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching

  12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but
    will not go "all the way"

  13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful
    gymnastics in bed

  14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when
    she's not, will get pregnant and sue

  15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will
    have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't

  16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only

  17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs

  18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation

  19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come

  20. Insists on having some of whatever you orderded - Will make you
    sleep on the wet spot

  21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you

  22. Changes tables - Nyphomaniac

  23. Drinks Decaf. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)

  24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)

  25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends,
    then try to borrow money

  26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk
    dirty during sex

  27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob

  28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch

  29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment,
    move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your
    baseball posters

  30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count

  31. Undertips waiter - Small penis

  32. Undertips parking valet - Small penis

  33. Undertips cabbie - Small penis

  34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything

  35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex

  36. Cellular phone in car - Penile inplant

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About JokeTribe

These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.