-- Oscar Wilde
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words,
there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but
government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
-- From an article on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review
Half of the people in the world are below average.
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the
-- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there are men on base.
-- Dave Barry
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like
he hasn't eaten in a while.
-- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But
I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't
realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea): For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be
when you kill them.
-- William Clayton
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important
lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
-- From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in ``Life In Hell'' by Matt Groening
"Time's fun when you're having flies."
-- Kermit the Frog