The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-- A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
-- William James

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
-- From an article on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review

Half of the people in the world are below average.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
-- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
-- Dave Barry

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.
-- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?

Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea): For best results: Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
-- William Clayton

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
-- From "Basic Sex Facts For Today's Youngfolk" in ``Life In Hell'' by Matt Groening

"Time's fun when you're having flies."
-- Kermit the Frog