Loving letters between a husband and wife

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

To My Dear Wife,


During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I
have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed
often.



  1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times
  2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times
  3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times
  4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times
  5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
  6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
  7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times
  8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes

  9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times
  10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times
  11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times
  12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times
  13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times
  14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times
  15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times
  16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
  17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times


Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that
there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and
get it over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had
finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you
move.





To My Dear Husband,


I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the
real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.



  1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat. . . . . . 15 times
  2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
  3. Did not come. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times
  4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times
  5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times
  6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
  7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times
  8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times
  9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times
  10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times
  11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times
  12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times
  13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times
  14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . .16 times
  15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times
  16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times


Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because
you were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling.
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
breathe!!


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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

 

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