Loving letters between a husband and wife
JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes
To My Dear Wife,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed often.

  1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times
  2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times
  3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times
  4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times
  5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
  6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times
  7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times
  8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes
  9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 times

  10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times
  11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times
  12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times
  13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times
  14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times
  15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times
  16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
  17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times

Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

To My Dear Husband,

I think that you have gotten things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.

  1. Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat. . . . . . 15 times
  2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times
  3. Did not come. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times
  4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times
  5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times
  6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times
  7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times
  8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times
  9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times
  10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times
  11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times
  12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times
  13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times
  14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . .16 times
  15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times
  16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because you were fucking the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling. The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!!



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