The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex
JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes
ACTIVITY           CALORIES BURNED
-----------------------------------
REMOVING CLOTHES:
 With partner's consent.........12
 Without partner's consent.....187
UNHOOKING BRA:
 Using two calm hands.............7
 Using one trembling hand........36
 Using teeth.....................52
 ->Edible BRA.............(gain)100
 lifting partner.................15
 Dragging partner along floor....16
 Using skateboard.................3
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
 For normal healthy man...........2.5


 Losing erection.................14
 Searching for it...............115
PUTTING ON CONDOM:
 With erection....................1.5
 Without erection...............300
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
 If the woman who does it is
 Experienced......................6
 Inexperienced...................73
 If a man does it...............680
 Add (5) calories for retreiving it
 from across the room.
POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
 Italian- Man on top,woman in
 kitchen.........................26
 Russian- Woman on bottom,
 Man getting permission..........55
 American- Both on top...........60
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:
 Bouncing.........................7
 Sliding around...................9
 Serious skidding................12
 Whiplash........................27
ORGASM:
 Real............................27
 Faked..........................160
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
 Shoes flew off..................35
 Expression didn't change........1/2
 Orchestra swelled................6
 Birds sang
  Large birds.....................7
  Small birds.....................3
 Earth moved.....................30
PULLING OUT:
 After orgasm.....................1/2
 A few moments before orgasm....500
PENIS ENVY:
 For woman........................3
 For men.........................72
GUILT:
 Despite no formal training,orgasm
 comes easily,naturally..........53
 You're enjoying sex,despite the
 fact that other people are
 starving.........................2
 Sex on your lunch hour...........3
 Putting it on expense account...20
AGGRAVATION:
 Partner keeps showing plants.....5
 Partner insists on cuddling the dog
 during foreplay.................14
 Partner watching television .....0
 (often considered normal)
 Partner just visited bathroom for
 7th time........................10
 Partner is taking phone calls....7
 Partner is making phone calls...40
GETTING CAUGHT:
 By partner's spouse.............60
 By your spouse.................100
 Trying to explain...............55
 Trying to remain calm..........100
 Leaping out of bed..............75
 Getting dressed in one motion..500
 Thanking partner quickly.........2


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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

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