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The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex |
ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED ----------------------------------- REMOVING CLOTHES: With partner's consent.........12 Without partner's consent.....187 UNHOOKING BRA: Using two calm hands.............7 Using one trembling hand........36 Using teeth.....................52 ->Edible BRA.............(gain)100 lifting partner.................15 Dragging partner along floor....16 Using skateboard.................3 ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: For normal healthy man...........2.5
Losing erection.................14 Searching for it...............115 PUTTING ON CONDOM: With erection....................1.5 Without erection...............300 INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: If the woman who does it is Experienced......................6 Inexperienced...................73 If a man does it...............680 Add (5) calories for retreiving it from across the room. POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY: Italian- Man on top,woman in kitchen.........................26 Russian- Woman on bottom, Man getting permission..........55 American- Both on top...........60 POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE: Bouncing.........................7 Sliding around...................9 Serious skidding................12 Whiplash........................27 ORGASM: Real............................27 Faked..........................160 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE: Shoes flew off..................35 Expression didn't change........1/2 Orchestra swelled................6 Birds sang Large birds.....................7 Small birds.....................3 Earth moved.....................30 PULLING OUT: After orgasm.....................1/2 A few moments before orgasm....500 PENIS ENVY: For woman........................3 For men.........................72 GUILT: Despite no formal training,orgasm comes easily,naturally..........53 You're enjoying sex,despite the fact that other people are starving.........................2 Sex on your lunch hour...........3 Putting it on expense account...20 AGGRAVATION: Partner keeps showing plants.....5 Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay.................14 Partner watching television .....0 (often considered normal) Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time........................10 Partner is taking phone calls....7 Partner is making phone calls...40 GETTING CAUGHT: By partner's spouse.............60 By your spouse.................100 Trying to explain...............55 Trying to remain calm..........100 Leaping out of bed..............75 Getting dressed in one motion..500 Thanking partner quickly.........2
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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.
If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.
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