The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes


ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED

-----------------------------------

REMOVING CLOTHES:
With partner's consent.........12
Without partner's consent.....187

UNHOOKING BRA:
Using two calm hands.............7
Using one trembling hand........36
Using teeth.....................52
->Edible BRA.............(gain)100
lifting partner.................15

 Dragging partner along floor....16
Using skateboard.................3

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
For normal healthy man...........2.5
Losing erection.................14
Searching for it...............115

PUTTING ON CONDOM:
With erection....................1.5
Without erection...............300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
If the woman who does it is
Experienced......................6
Inexperienced...................73
If a man does it...............680
Add (5) calories for retreiving it
from across the room.



POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
Italian- Man on top,woman in
kitchen.........................26
Russian- Woman on bottom,
Man getting permission..........55
American- Both on top...........60

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:
Bouncing.........................7
Sliding around...................9
Serious skidding................12
Whiplash........................27

ORGASM:
Real............................27
Faked..........................160

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
Shoes flew off..................35
Expression didn't change........1/2
Orchestra swelled................6
Birds sang
Large birds.....................7
Small birds.....................3
Earth moved.....................30

PULLING OUT:
After orgasm.....................1/2
A few moments before orgasm....500

PENIS ENVY:
For woman........................3
For men.........................72

GUILT:
Despite no formal training,orgasm
comes easily,naturally..........53
You're enjoying sex,despite the
fact that other people are
starving.........................2
Sex on your lunch hour...........3
Putting it on expense account...20

AGGRAVATION:
Partner keeps showing plants.....5
Partner insists on cuddling the dog
during foreplay.................14
Partner watching television .....0
(often considered normal)
Partner just visited bathroom for
7th time........................10
Partner is taking phone calls....7
Partner is making phone calls...40

GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse.............60
By your spouse.................100
Trying to explain...............55
Trying to remain calm..........100
Leaping out of bed..............75
Getting dressed in one motion..500
Thanking partner quickly.........2

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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

 

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