ACTIVITY           CALORIES BURNED



-----------------------------------



REMOVING CLOTHES:

 With partner's consent.........12

 Without partner's consent.....187



UNHOOKING BRA:

 Using two calm hands.............7

 Using one trembling hand........36

 Using teeth.....................52

 ->Edible BRA.............(gain)100

 lifting partner.................15

 Dragging partner along floor....16

 Using skateboard.................3



ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:

 For normal healthy man...........2.5

 Losing erection.................14

 Searching for it...............115



PUTTING ON CONDOM:

 With erection....................1.5

 Without erection...............300



INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:

 If the woman who does it is

 Experienced......................6

 Inexperienced...................73

 If a man does it...............680

 Add (5) calories for retreiving it

 from across the room.







POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:

 Italian- Man on top,woman in

 kitchen.........................26

 Russian- Woman on bottom,

 Man getting permission..........55

 American- Both on top...........60



POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:

 Bouncing.........................7

 Sliding around...................9

 Serious skidding................12

 Whiplash........................27



ORGASM:

 Real............................27

 Faked..........................160



ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:

 Shoes flew off..................35

 Expression didn't change........1/2

 Orchestra swelled................6

 Birds sang

  Large birds.....................7

  Small birds.....................3

 Earth moved.....................30



PULLING OUT:

 After orgasm.....................1/2

 A few moments before orgasm....500



PENIS ENVY:

 For woman........................3

 For men.........................72



GUILT:

 Despite no formal training,orgasm

 comes easily,naturally..........53

 You're enjoying sex,despite the

 fact that other people are

 starving.........................2

 Sex on your lunch hour...........3

 Putting it on expense account...20



AGGRAVATION:

 Partner keeps showing plants.....5

 Partner insists on cuddling the dog

 during foreplay.................14

 Partner watching television .....0

 (often considered normal)

 Partner just visited bathroom for

 7th time........................10

 Partner is taking phone calls....7

 Partner is making phone calls...40



GETTING CAUGHT:

 By partner's spouse.............60

 By your spouse.................100

 Trying to explain...............55

 Trying to remain calm..........100

 Leaping out of bed..............75

 Getting dressed in one motion..500

 Thanking partner quickly.........2