A New Priest

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

A new priest was so nervous before conducting his first mass he could
hardly speak. After the mass, he asked the monsignor how he had
done. The monsignor replied, "When I'm worried about getting
nervous, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass, then, if I
start to get nervous, I take a sip." So, the following Sunday, the
new priest took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
sermon, he began to get nervous, and took a drink. He proceeded to
talk up a storm. Upon returning to his office after the mass, he
found the following note from the monsignor on his door.



  1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp it.


  2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.


  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.


  4. Jesus wan consecrated, not constipated.


  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not sell his ass.


  6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as J.C.


  7. The father, son, and the holy ghost are not referred to as daddy,
    junior, and the spook.


  8. David slew goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.


  9. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".


  10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Super, he said, "take
    this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "eat me!"


  11. The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub a dub dub,
    thanks for the grub."


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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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