15 Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins

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  1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

  2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

  3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and

  4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
    nursery downstairs.

  5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
    David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

  6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
    of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

  7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
    giving milk will please come early.

  8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will
    sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

  9. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little
    Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see
    the minister in his study.

  10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
    and lay an egg on the alter.

  11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the
    ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will
    join in.

  12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
    of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new
    carpet will come forward and do so.

  13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
    they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

  14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
    Music will follow.

  15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
    Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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