15 Actual Announcements Taken From Church Bulletins

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  1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

  2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

  3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

  4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

  5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

  6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

  7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

  8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

  9. Thursday at 5:00 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

  10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

  11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

  12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

  13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

  14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

  15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.



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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

The difference between web surfing with IE and Firefox is the difference between body armor and a trendy cotton vest

 

We've all heard the stories. Stories about innocently searching the internet with Internet Explorer when, all of a sudden, all the alarms are going off with your virus scanner. Programs are installing themselves. Warnings about Smitfraud-C, SpyAxe, and Vcodec are popping up on your screen.

And some of us have had firsthand experience. Firsthand experience that has led us away from IE and to other browsers like Firefox.

And why is that? Well, virus writers are generally going to be trying to get the most bang for their buck, ,just like everyone else. That's why. And IE currently provides them with that. It still has the largest market share, likely due in large part that it comes preinstalled on most computers.

But just because it's preinstalled doesn't mean you have to use it and expose yourself to all the spyware and virii targetted to it. You can do what an ever growing portion of users out there are doing. You can switch to

 

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