New Help for the Downsized

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

From: Patrick Ash <pash@GRADIENT.CIS.UPENN.EDU>
Subject: New help for the downsized

Layoff Pro from Bellyup Software, Novato, ca.

Customer Profile: Layoff Pro is aimed at the following group. -- Employees.

Multiple Resume Formats - Layoff Pro has over 20 editable resume formats, each designed to be both eye-catching and impressive, giving new luster to the same old job experience. Popular formats include:

Senior Software Engineer - Regardless of where it is printed, your resume will look like it came from a dot matrix printer. It

includes acronym generator (AG), and random mis-speller (RM).Both are used to give a genuine techie feel.

Technical Writer - Your qualifications and abilities are explained in words and phrases so simple even a user could understand them. Correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling guaranteed.

Project Manager - Using the special thesaurus with only positive adjectives, you can turn termination into career adjustment opportunity with just the click of a key. Jargon expander algorithm makes you sound like an expert without knowing anything.

Job Prospect Database - Updated quarterly to remove any companies that have had recent layoffs of their own.

Cover Letter Generator - Uses our patented auto brag technology, which enables you to claim sole responsibility for any project you were even remotely involved with.

Letters of Reference - Choose from Bill Gates, John Scully, Scott McNeilly, Hillary Clinton, and other heavy weights. Includes imitation letterhead.

Layoff Etiquette - Layoff Pro includes an online guide to proper office behavior under the stress of layoffs, either real or impending. Topics include spotting the next layoff, exit interview do's and don'ts, investment opportunities for severance pay, and inexpensive disguises for the unemployment office.

Quick Erase - This feature lets you quickly and permanently erase any embarrassing personal letters or game software from your hard disk, or any disk accessible through a network connection. Not to be used for any important company data.

If you like what we have for you here on JokeTribe, please do consider donating to us. Any amount, even a small one, would truly be helpful.


About JokeTribe

These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.