JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

Subject: Dilemma
From: vx@teleport.com (V-X)
Newsgroups: alt.society.generation-x

*If you were going to man one of those "Coffee and Cookies for a
Donation" tables at a highway rest stop from 2:30 to 6:30 am, in a
slight downpour, and your companions could either be Grand Funk
Railroad or Soundgarden, which would you choose?

*Which name makes you cringe worse: Newt Gingrich, Jack Kavorkian, or

*Is William S. Burroughs dead yet? I don't think so, I think he just
did a Land O' Lakes commercial. You know, the one they had to

(I guess this really isn't a dilemma. Sorry.)

*Which makes you more afraid: ebola, racist/religious groups with
surplus weapons or that one day the boss will come over for dinner and
find the copy of Photoshop you stole from work?

*If nature produced a teal food, would you trust her anymore?

*When Skinny Puppy shares the bill with Three Dog Night at state fairs
and tractor pulls, will you buy bink blocks of candy popcorn or a
caramel apple?

*Which chokes you up more: "The Star Spangled Banner," or "Elbow

*Let's say there's a nuclear war. Everybody's only allowed to sub to
one newsgroup. If it came down to a choice between
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.butts and
alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.female.anal, my God, how would you pick?

*If Jim Carrey suddenly dropped out of the sky in front of your car,
would you stop?

*If you knew the eighties revival was just around the corner, but
selling your Berlin albums would bring the cash necessary for your
mother's life-saving operation, would you?

*This question has three parts:

Let's say you're a rookie cop. You've cornered two armed suspects in
an alley, and they're firing at you. You want to kill them. You get to
kill them. This is not the dilemma.

+The question is, if one of them is Kenny G, and the other is Kathy
Lee Gifford, which one are you going to drop first?
+And which one will give you the greater pleasure?
+And which one will you plant the vial of crack on?

*If the US started a war with Mexico and Canada started a war with the
US, and Mexico started a war with Canada, and you got your draft
notice, where would you flee to?

*Which irritates you more: MTV or Saturday Night Live satires of MTV?

*If Alanis Morissette and Sean Penn starred in a remake of Who's
Afraid of Virginia Woolf, and Alanis asked you to go to the premiere
with her, would you ask her to...oh, never mind, that's too easy...

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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