Answering machine messages

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes


These are actually a small subset (5 of ~300) of answering
machine messages that have been collected and archived at
ftp://ftp.cco.caltech.edu/pub/humor/canonical/canonical.answering
(that file is ~70k, so check there if you want the full list; I'm not
going to fill everyone's mailbox if they don't want it.) Or email me
if you really want a copy and can't access the site.


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IDEAS FOR RECORDED MESSAGES



1
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone

right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya
likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...
real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing
our teeth we'll get back to you.




2
A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.



3
*Hi. This is John
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution,
you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.



4
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.




5
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.


If you like what we have for you here on JokeTribe, please do consider donating to us. Any amount, even a small one, would truly be helpful.

 

About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.