- You recognize two or more parcel delivery truck drivers and can call
them by name.
- One of the package delivery drivers attends your wedding.
- You pay for software to be delivered "next day air" when you really
don't need it that quickly.
- You know your package "tracking number" by heart.
- All your friends and relatives give you blank diskettes for your
birthday and Christmas presents.
- Have your wife name your computer as the co-respondent in your divorce
- Have never bought one of the "dummies" books.
- Bought all the "dummies" books for your wife/husband to get them
involved in computers.
- Stay on the Internet so much that your commercial provider makes you
buy a corporate account.
- Ask a potential mate for their e-mail address rather than their sign.
- When you wash clothes, you find stray diskettes in your pockets.
- You hear the word "Windows" on a TV commercial and wrestle the remote
away from your wife to turn up the volume only to find out it's a
commercial selling new windows for houses.
- You refuse to delete programs off your hard drive that you haven't
used in two years.
- You overhear a co-worker mention the word bulletin board and interrupt
the conversation only to learn he's talking about a notice on the
company bulletin board.
- Can operate three or more communication packages. Know what IDE, RAM,
CMOS, MEGS, VESA and SCSI stand for.
- Start looking at new hard drives when you get less than 200 megs of
space free on your present drives.
- Subscribe to more than three monthly computer magazines.
- Go out and buy 50 new floppies rather than go through the 300 used ones
you have and delete the files on them.
- Get copies of programs from your friends and never use them.
- Have more than five books on the Internet.
- Can't carry on a conversation without changing it to computers.
- Drop everything you're doing to go out and purchase the new program you
just read about in a computer magazine.
- Start figuring "must have" computer upgrades into the family budget.
- Try to "sell" computers by talking about how great they are to all your
friends and relatives, telling them they've "got to have one."
- Have at least one more computer than people who live in the house.
- Memorize the telephone numbers of your favorite computer stores.
- Upgrade computer software packages as soon as you get notice that one's
available, even if the new features aren't something you'll use.
- Call your computer by a name.
- Become the guy that everyone at work comes to with their computer
- Consider calling Microsoft in the United Kingdom to get an early copy
of a program you can't buy here.
- Take your computer on vacation with you, even if you go camping.
From The State, Columbia, S.C., Charlie Paschal Column
By Charlie Paschal, Staff Writer [firstname.lastname@example.org]
Some additions from Bart Thielges <email@example.com>
- You attempt to mouse over to the phone and click on it when it rings.
- You have a physical post-it note covering part of your screen, then get frustrated when you can't bring a window below it to the top.