• You recognize two or more parcel delivery truck drivers and can call them by name.

• One of the package delivery drivers attends your wedding.

• You pay for software to be delivered "next day air" when you really don't need it that quickly.

• You know your package "tracking number" by heart.

• All your friends and relatives give you blank diskettes for your birthday and Christmas presents.

• Have your wife name your computer as the co-respondent in your divorce papers.

• Have never bought one of the "dummies" books.

• Bought all the "dummies" books for your wife/husband to get them involved in computers.

• Stay on the Internet so much that your commercial provider makes you buy a corporate account.

• Ask a potential mate for their e-mail address rather than their sign.

• When you wash clothes, you find stray diskettes in your pockets.

• You hear the word "Windows" on a TV commercial and wrestle the remote away from your wife to turn up the volume only to find out it's a commercial selling new windows for houses.

• You refuse to delete programs off your hard drive that you haven't used in two years.

• You overhear a co-worker mention the word bulletin board and interrupt the conversation only to learn he's talking about a notice on the company bulletin board.

• Can operate three or more communication packages. Know what IDE, RAM, CMOS, MEGS, VESA and SCSI stand for.

• Start looking at new hard drives when you get less than 200 megs of space free on your present drives.

• Subscribe to more than three monthly computer magazines.

• Go out and buy 50 new floppies rather than go through the 300 used ones you have and delete the files on them.

• Get copies of programs from your friends and never use them.

• Have more than five books on the Internet.

• Can't carry on a conversation without changing it to computers.

• Drop everything you're doing to go out and purchase the new program you just read about in a computer magazine.

• Start figuring "must have" computer upgrades into the family budget.

• Try to "sell" computers by talking about how great they are to all your friends and relatives, telling them they've "got to have one."

• Have at least one more computer than people who live in the house.

• Memorize the telephone numbers of your favorite computer stores.

• Upgrade computer software packages as soon as you get notice that one's available, even if the new features aren't something you'll use.

• Call your computer by a name.

• Become the guy that everyone at work comes to with their computer problems.

• Consider calling Microsoft in the United Kingdom to get an early copy of a program you can't buy here.

• Take your computer on vacation with you, even if you go camping.

From The State, Columbia, S.C., Charlie Paschal Column
By Charlie Paschal, Staff Writer [cpaschal@scsn.net]

• You attempt to mouse over to the phone and click on it when it rings.

• You have a physical post-it note covering part of your screen, then get frustrated when you can't bring a window below it to the top.