You Know You're Taking Computers Too Seriously When...

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  • You recognize two or more parcel delivery truck drivers and can call them by name.

  • One of the package delivery drivers attends your wedding.

  • You pay for software to be delivered "next day air" when you really don't need it that quickly.

  • You know your package "tracking number" by heart.

  • All your friends and relatives give you blank diskettes for your birthday and Christmas presents.

  • Have your wife name your computer as the co-respondent in your divorce papers.

  • Have never bought one of the "dummies" books.

  • Bought all the "dummies" books for your wife/husband to get them involved in computers.

  • Stay on the Internet so much that your commercial provider makes you buy a corporate account.

  • Ask a potential mate for their e-mail address rather than their sign.

  • When you wash clothes, you find stray diskettes in your pockets.

  • You hear the word "Windows" on a TV commercial and wrestle the remote away from your wife to turn up the volume only to find out it's a commercial selling new windows for houses.

  • You refuse to delete programs off your hard drive that you haven't used in two years.

  • You overhear a co-worker mention the word bulletin board and interrupt the conversation only to learn he's talking about a notice on the company bulletin board.

  • Can operate three or more communication packages. Know what IDE, RAM, CMOS, MEGS, VESA and SCSI stand for.

  • Start looking at new hard drives when you get less than 200 megs of space free on your present drives.

  • Subscribe to more than three monthly computer magazines.

  • Go out and buy 50 new floppies rather than go through the 300 used ones you have and delete the files on them.

  • Get copies of programs from your friends and never use them.

  • Have more than five books on the Internet.

  • Can't carry on a conversation without changing it to computers.

  • Drop everything you're doing to go out and purchase the new program you just read about in a computer magazine.

  • Start figuring "must have" computer upgrades into the family budget.

  • Try to "sell" computers by talking about how great they are to all your friends and relatives, telling them they've "got to have one."

  • Have at least one more computer than people who live in the house.

  • Memorize the telephone numbers of your favorite computer stores.

  • Upgrade computer software packages as soon as you get notice that one's available, even if the new features aren't something you'll use.

  • Call your computer by a name.

  • Become the guy that everyone at work comes to with their computer problems.

  • Consider calling Microsoft in the United Kingdom to get an early copy of a program you can't buy here.

  • Take your computer on vacation with you, even if you go camping.

From The State, Columbia, S.C., Charlie Paschal Column
By Charlie Paschal, Staff Writer []

Some additions from Bart Thielges <>
  • You attempt to mouse over to the phone and click on it when it rings.

  • You have a physical post-it note covering part of your screen, then get frustrated when you can't bring a window below it to the top.

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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