You might be a physics major if...

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Due to the enormous workload involved in physics classes combined with
stress and lack of sleep, physics students often forget (either by
accident, defense mechanism, or intentionally) what their major really
is. Thus, as a physics major, I took it upon myself to create a small
list of indicators to help us all remember what we really are.


  • if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

  • if you enjoy pain.

  • if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

  • if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

  • if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

  • if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.

  • if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

  • if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

  • if you always do homework on Friday nights.

  • if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

  • if you think in "math."

  • if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

  • if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down
    its wave function.

  • if you have a pet named after a scientist.

  • if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

  • if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the
    Schrodinger's Cat experiment.

  • if you can translate English into Binary.

  • if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building
    which says "Exit."

  • if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because
    there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

  • If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

  • if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the
    eventual heat-death of the universe.

  • if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

  • if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have
    accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to
    Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

  • if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

  • if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math

  • if you understood more than five of these indicators.

  • if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to suspect that
you might be classified as a physics major. I hope this clears up any

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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