Modifications to PNEWS to improve Usenet

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

From: (Paul Phillips)
Subject: Modifications to PNEWS to improve Usenet

It's been my experience that most people have casual disregard for
hundreds if not thousands of dollars. Hell, that's chicken feed, it's
not their money! Thus I believe we need to modify Pnews to reflect the
current crop of Usenet denizens.

Honor followups or consider yourself one of those to whom this is


This program posts news to thousands of machines throughout the entire
civilized world. Your message will cost the net hundreds if not thousands of
dollars to send everywhere. Please be sure you know what you are doing.

Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this? [ny] y

I don't think you heard me.

Everything posted to Usenet news is archived somewhere, forever. FOREVER!
Do you have any grasp of how long that is? People are going to be able to
throw these words back in your face, at any time, for the rest of your life.

Are you really, truly sure you want to do this? [ny] y

Look, dimwit, you're starting to piss me off. We both know you're about
to post something off-topic, inane, or deeply revealing of your inability
and unwillingness to seek out the FAQ. Just save us the trouble and abort
the post. I don't want to have to listen to your whining after you get
mailbombed by half the civilized world.

Are you going to disregard my advice again? [ny] y

You're persistent, I'll give you that. Most assholes are persistent.
There's more to life than persistence, let me tell you. One quality
usually deemed a virtue is knowing WHEN TO SAY NO.

Are you such a dunderhead that you still want to post? [ny] y

Copies of this post will be sent to your news administrator, your
employer, your significant other, all members of the United States
Congress, the president of the United States, and Socks the cat.

Are you sure there's nothing in it that will piss them off? [ny] y

Okay, I've had enough. You know what they say about arguing with
idiots. I'll send your rantings out to the world.

But if anyone asks, I'm telling them you used IHAVE.


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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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