How to be annoying

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way".


Drum on every available surface.


Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for
alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.


Sing the Batman theme incessantly.


Staple papers in the middle of the page.


Ask 800 operators for dates.


Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.


Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.


Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.


Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.


Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".


Set alarms for random times.


Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."


Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.


Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.


Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.


Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with
the volume properly adjusted.


Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.


Honk and wave to strangers.


Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.


Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.


Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental
movies.


Wear your pants backwards.


Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary
mints by the cash register.


Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"


Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal
Machine Music".


Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.


ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.


only type in lowercase.


dont use any punctuation either


Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.


Pay for your dinner with pennies.


Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.


Repeat everything someone says, as a question.


Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
roadmaps.


Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ OJ
Simpson conspiracy theories.


Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that__
"What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."


Light road flares on a birthday cake.


Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.


Leave tips in Bolivian currency.


Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".


Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.


At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.


When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.


Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".


As much as possible, skip rather than walk.


Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.


Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.


Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know,
Lamb Chops?)


Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.


Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.


Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your
chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and
repeat.


Drive half a block.


Name your dog "Dog".


Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.


Ask people what gender they are.


Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."


Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back in the tray.


Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.


Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
a "real hoot".


Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you
don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".


Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a
can of Lysol.


<<continued>>


(But I don't have it.)


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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.