The LAW ENFORCEMENT Translator

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes


(A follow up to the Mad Pig Disease one...)











































The LAW ENFORCEMENT Translator

WHAT IS SAID WHAT IS MEANT

While on routine patrol...
I was in the car because the
coffee shop was closed.
The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner... He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN--DON'T FEED THE PIGS"

The accident scene and the safety of the
victims prevented this officer from
doing traffic control.
It was raining.

This officer went out-of-service to
obtain intelligence information from a
street informant.
It was too hot to ride in the car.

I observed the suspect acting in a
suspicious manner..
The dirt-bag let go with an 'Oink' as I walked by.

Knowing the suspect had a criminal
history...
He puked on my uniform one night...

The informant is of known credibility
and has provided reliable information in
the past...
I've got two theft cases hanging over his head...

While being arrested, this subject
resisted being injured in the act...
He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses...

The motorist was cited for multiple
traffic violations...
I wrote him one citation for each swear-word he used...

Upon announcing my title and purpose I
heard a voice from inside the house say
'Come in' so this writer entered through
the door.
The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army so I kicked in the door.

The members of the press at the scene
were offered every courtesy within
departmental policies...
I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the 'Command Post'

I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding...
She was a good-looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over.

The Chief appeared at the scene and took command.
I sent him to the same address as the reporters.

Further interview of the witnesses was
impossible, due to conditions.
Tonight is my bowling night...

The motorist's eyes were glassy, he had
slurred speech, was unsteady on his
feet, and smelled strongly of alcohol.
He was howling at the moon and trying to drive the car from the back seat.

Using only enough force to restrain the
subject...
My favorite song is 'Drop kick me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life'.

The defendant asked this officer's
advice on how to act before the judge at
his arraignment...
I told him he didn't have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

 

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