Signs You're Going to Have a Bad Day

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .

  • your twin sister forgets your birthday.
  • you wake up face down on the pavement.
  • you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
  • you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
  • you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
  • your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
  • your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
  • you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
  • you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
  • the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
  • you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed.
  • your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
  • you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that you're no longer funny

  • your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
  • you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"
  • your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test
  • you wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers
  • someone accuses you of faking humor
  • your lover tells you, "I'm sub-letting another apartment and the movers are here to move me."
  • you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up
  • you need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate!
  • your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
  • your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.
  • you wake up and your braces are locked together.
  • you call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
  • your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
  • your income tax return check bounces.
  • you put both contact lenses in the same eye.
  • your pet rock snaps at you.
  • your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

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About JokeTribe

These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.