From: email@example.com (Tjames Madison)
Subject: Recent Outbreak of SMUT
Do you realize that - right now on Netcom - there are SEVEN THOUSAND messages in the alt.binaries.pictures.erotica newsgroup?
SEVEN THOUSAND. And these will all expire in two weeks and be replaced by 7,000 more. Or, more likely, 7,500, owing to longterm growth trends.
Figuring that the average file is split into three parts, one can safely assume that more than ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND pornographic files will pass through a.b.p.e just this year alone. And a.b.p.e, while the most popular of SexGroups currently on Usenet, is far from the only one. At last check (10 minutes ago), there were more than 50. Assume an average file size of
50K (very conservative) and, well, let's just say that the recent deflation of hard drive prices is a Good Thing.
Right now, an army of college students is making an extra few bucks all over the world, moonlighting as porn stars just to satisfy this insane demand. Soon everyone will know someone who is a porn star. Non-porn stars will be ostracized, and forced to film the action without pay. But no one will mind, or even complain, except Andrea Dworkin.
March, 1999: Usenet changes its name to PornNet. All groups are devoted to pornography. Serious discussions on culture, philosophy, politics and sports are discouraged and shunted off to the new competing SkyNet, which has no porn at all, and is frequented mostly by college professors and Mensa members (most of them also have PornNet accounts, though.)
April, 1999: Roseanne shows pink on prime time television. Andrea Dworkin cameos as her anthropomorphic clitoris.
January, 2001: Larry Flynt sworn in as president, with running mate Lisa Palac. Main U.S. export is hardcore smut. All laws dealing with pornography restrictions are abolished in all states, except in North Carolina, where it is still illegal to say "hell".
November, 2002: Andrew Damick elected Governor of North Carolina. His first official action is to abolish jokes about "wee-wees" from local television comedy shows.
June, 2003: Alexander Abian completes a critically acclaimed trilogy of porn features: "HELIUM? I HARDLY KNOW HIM!" "VENUS IS HOT HOT HOT!" and "E = MC SCREW".
December, 2004: America has a cigarette and falls asleep.