The collected list of computer virii

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not

exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor,
slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus
protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it
has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Bobbit virus: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it.
(But that part will never work again.)

Chicago Cubs virus: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in
the reviews, but you still love it.

Congressional Virus: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously,
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Congressional Virus #2: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes
without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus #2: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

Dan Quayle virus #3: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut
cant figyour out watt!

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs,
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units,
each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their
data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until

George Bush virus #2: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new
files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive
with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says
everything is fine.

Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends
you a bill for $4,500.

Imelda Marcos virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then
subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive
shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again.

Kevorkian virus: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

LAPD virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self defense."

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much
for the AT&T virus.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its
appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really
mad just thinking about it.

New York Jets virus: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

OJ virus: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your
file and vows to find the virus that did it.

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then
slowly expands back to 200MB.

Oral Roberts virus: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's
programmer will take it back.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns
you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to
itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it
out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old
it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor
about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the
whole thing quits.

Sears virus: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply and a set of shocks.

Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from
the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: splits the screen into two with a message in each half
blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

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About JokeTribe

These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.