SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT: ADMINISTRATIUM

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The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
university physicists here. The element, tentatively named
administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that
it has atomic number 0 and falls outside the natural patterns
exhibited by other elements. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125
assistants to the neutron, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistants to
the vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. The 312
particles are held together by a force involving the continuous
exchange of meson-like particles called "memos." Because it has no
protons or electrons, administratium is inert. Nonetheless, it can
be detected chemically, in that it seems to impede every reaction
in which it is present. According to one of the discoverers, even a
small amount of administratium made one reaction that normally lasts
 

 
less than a second takes more than four days.




Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years. It does
not actually decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in which a
vice neutron, assistants to the vice neutron and certain assistants to
the neutron exchange places. Some studies have indicated that its mass
actually increases after each reorganization, although this is yet to
be explained. Another phenomenon that has been observed, as expected
from the mechanics of minute particles, is that the more one tries to
pin down the positions of vice neutrons within the structure of
administratium, the more uncertain those positions become.




Research at other laboratories indicate Administratium
occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at
certain points such as government agencies, large corporations,
and universities and can usually be found in the newest, best
appointed, and best maintained buildings.




Scientists point out Administratium is known to be toxic
at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any
productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts
are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled
to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not
promising.


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