Attention: You might be a liberal if ...

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes
By Chris Grawburg

You might be a liberal if:

  • you've ever left your sociology class thinking, "That professor really knows what he/she/it is talking about."

  • you associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"

  • you think Dan Rather represents media impartiality

  • your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."

  • the first word in the description of your hair color is "neon"

  • you've ever tried to protect the ozone layer

  • you've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals

  • you've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ... ummm ... food

  • you ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom" in the same sentence

  • you are a vegan

  • you have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms" on your car

  • you believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race

  • you've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs

  • you pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food

  • you cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at 1 p.m.

  • you don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think it's right to kill babies

  • you have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair

  • you want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the fact that cancer kills many more people per year

  • you have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized

  • you consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse Helms has to say

  • you abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western culture or Rush Limbaugh

  • you found yourself unemployed after this past November's election

  • you're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might be a Clinton cabinet official if ..."

  • you're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from my car

  • you think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the Constitution

  • you cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion

  • you stay informed by watching MTV News

  • you have an "I'm Straight But Not Narrow" button pinned to your book bag

  • there is a ring in any part of your head other than your ears

  • you think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways are just what schools need

  • you molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television ... oops, my mistake again, that's "You might be Mel Reynolds if ..."

  • you think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community

  • you think Jesse Jackson is good at anything

  • you lie in bed at night worried that Pat Robertson might be out to get you

  • you attribute the rising illegitimacy rate, crime rate or problems in the inner city to Ronald Reagan

  • you've ever held up a grocery store line trying to pick between plastic, which isn't biodegradable, or paper, which cuts down innocent trees

  • you think the National Organization for Women is made up of average heterosexual women with no lesbian agenda

  • you're on the committee to construct the Gay Jewish Women's Cultural Center -- there's a slight chance you're a liberal

  • you blame Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but not the spend-happy "Democrooks" for the huge national debt

  • banning assault weapons is your solution to end crime (what do you mean punish the criminals?)

  • you tell me how to live by telling me I can't tell people how to live
And finally ...
  • you think Ted Kennedy is sober and monogamous.

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About JokeTribe

These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.