You might be a liberal if:

• you've ever left your sociology class thinking, "That professor really knows what he/she/it is talking about."

• you associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"

• you think Dan Rather represents media impartiality

• your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."

• the first word in the description of your hair color is "neon"

• you've ever tried to protect the ozone layer

• you've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals

• you've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ... ummm ... food

• you ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom" in the same sentence

• you are a vegan

• you have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms" on your car

• you believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race

• you've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs

• you pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food

• you cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at 1 p.m.

• you don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think it's right to kill babies

• you have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair

• you want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the fact that cancer kills many more people per year

• you have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized

• you consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse Helms has to say

• you abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western culture or Rush Limbaugh

• you found yourself unemployed after this past November's election

• you're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might be a Clinton cabinet official if ..."

• you're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from my car

• you think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the Constitution

• you cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion

• you stay informed by watching MTV News

• you have an "I'm Straight But Not Narrow" button pinned to your book bag

• there is a ring in any part of your head other than your ears

• you think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways are just what schools need

• you molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television ... oops, my mistake again, that's "You might be Mel Reynolds if ..."

• you think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community

• you think Jesse Jackson is good at anything

• you lie in bed at night worried that Pat Robertson might be out to get you

• you attribute the rising illegitimacy rate, crime rate or problems in the inner city to Ronald Reagan

• you've ever held up a grocery store line trying to pick between plastic, which isn't biodegradable, or paper, which cuts down innocent trees

• you think the National Organization for Women is made up of average heterosexual women with no lesbian agenda

• you're on the committee to construct the Gay Jewish Women's Cultural Center -- there's a slight chance you're a liberal

• you blame Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but not the spend-happy "Democrooks" for the huge national debt

• banning assault weapons is your solution to end crime (what do you mean punish the criminals?)

• you tell me how to live by telling me I can't tell people how to live

• you think Ted Kennedy is sober and monogamous.