You might be a conservative if:

• You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney and Friends"


• You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous conservative political TV/radio talk shows.


• You have a bumpersticker that says "Insured by Smith and Wessen"


• You believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy liberals.


• You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.


• You fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings with a vodka straight in hand.


• You believe the Constitution states that Christianity is our official religion.


• You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television... oops, my mistake... that's "You might be Newt Gingrinch if.."


• You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.


• If you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..."


• You believe every man, woman, child and fetus should be armed to the teeth with AK-47's, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon imaginable.


• You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting purposes"


• You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down economics"


 
 
• You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.


• You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the least.


• The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.


• You have a button that says "I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone"


• You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's


• Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts facts consistently to fit his views and opinions.


• You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)


• Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to Arkansas hillbillies.


• You still attempt to defend Dan Quayle's intelligence.


• You get offended if someone is unusually quiet on the way to a funeral... oops, sorry, my fault again... that's another "You might be Newt Gingrinch..."


• You refuse to talk to your sister because she's a lesbian... dangit, sorry.. once again, another "You might be Newt..."


• You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.


• You wish to amend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag illegal.


• You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.


• You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.


• You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.


• You attribute the lack of close families to Murphy Brown.


• You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it is, trust me.)


• You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)


• You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they do!