Windows 95 Infomercial Drinking Game in College

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Bill Gates Microsoft Windows 95 infomercial drinking game Beta version.




***** Drink once:

Every time a cute ethnic child is shown being more productive through the use of Win 95.

A "new" feature of Win 95 is shown that has been implemented in the Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions for years.

Someone makes a reference to Bill's money or success.

The word "virtual" is used.

Microsoft new computer network is referred to as MSN.

When "Joe/Jane Q. Computer User's" computing concerns are solved by Win 95.

A 1-800 number is displayed.

Whenever "plug and play" is used.

A reference to how "easy it is" is made.

An old person is shown using the computer.

The computer speaks directly to the camera.

A spokesman from the Computer industry praises Win 95.

The word "upgrade" is used.




***** Drink twice


When a crappy feature/bug of Win 3.1 has been fixed by Win 95.

Some politically correct/asinine icon/metaphor is used for a standard function (i.e. "recycle bin")

Someone "doesn't understand" a feature, and needs it explained in detail.

Plug and play is referred to as "p&p".

Any time Anthony Edwards (the host) says the words "World Wide Web."

Large, bloated, yet obsolete mega-corporations, toady up to Bill in the hope that some of his success will rub off.

Anyone makes a medical joke to Anthony Edwards.

Any time the phrase "Now is the time..." is used.

A person is shown meeting some "Sandra Bullockesque" love interest through MSN.

A feature of MSN duplicates an existing internet service.

The 'net is referred to as the "Information Superhighway."

You are invited to publish your own Web page.

You are reminded that Win 95 will allow you to attempt any of the following trivial tasks: Balancing home checkbook/budget, college term paper, manage your stock portfolio, order flowers or a pizza, play games, email your grandmother, make plane reservations, 'chat' online, medical imaging, research dinosaurs, download porn, play "global thermonuclear war," or open the pod bay doors.




***** Drink thrice


Bill makes reference to his wealth and/or success.

A crappy feature/bug from Win 3.1 continues on into Win 95.

Any reference to "screw-up."

A reference to "You've been waiting a long time, but now here it is..."

Win 95 crashes the demonstration computer.

A competetor's product is shown.

They tell you that this is "the last operating system you'll ever need."

Bill breaks down, turns to the camera and say "Easy is not better!"




***** Drain it


A "new" feature introduced in Win 95 is totally original, never before implemented in Mac OS, OS/2, or third party extensions.

An animated version of Anthony Edwards or Bill Gates appears.

Anthony Edwards remarks offhandedly "You ever notice how much Windows looks like the Macintosh operating system?" Drain another if Bill answers, "Nah, we swiped it from Xerox."

An explanation to why Win 95 was released a scant few months before '96.

Canter & Seigal spam MSN with adds for their latest book before the end of the program.

Bill apologizes for his monopolistic business strategy, crappy software, and cult of personality. Hands rights over to Linus Torvalds.

Charlie Chaplian "spokesman" from the IBM campaign shows up.

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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