|What the Doctor says||What the Doctor really means|
|"This should be taken care of right away."||"I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and |
profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself."
|"Welllllll, what have we here..."||Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of what it is, the Doctor is hoping |
you will give him a clue.
|"We'll see."||"First I have to check my malpractice insurance."|
|"Let me check your medical history."||"I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more |
time with you."
|"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."||"I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time."|
|"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."||"I need the money, so I'm charging you for another office visit."|
|"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor."||"I hate those guys mooching in on our fees."|
|"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."||Since he hasn't the faintest idea of what to do, he is trying to appear |
thoughtful while hoping the nurse will interrupt. (Proctologist also say
this a lot.)
|"We have some good news and some bad news."||The good news is he's going to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is |
you're going to pay for it.
|"Let me schedule you for some tests."||"I have a 40% interest in the lab."|
|"I'd like to have my associate look at you."||"He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a small fortune."|
|"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."||"I'm writing a paper and would like to use you as a guinea pig."|
|"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."||"I don't know what the hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."|
|"That's quite a nasty looking wound."||"I think I'm going to throw up."|
|This may smart a little."||"Last week two patients bit through their tongues."|
|"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"||"I can't remember your name, nor why you are here."|
|"Everything seems to be normal."||"I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all."|
|"I'd like to run some more tests."||"I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this |
|"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?"||He thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will |
|"There is a lot of that going around."||"My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something|