The Top 10 ways Newt controls the Net

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From "Life in Hell", 16 Dec 94,

I pledge allegiance to and wrap myself in the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.

By Matt Groening
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Top 10 Ways You Know Newt Gingrich Has Taken Control of the Info Highway

(taken from NewMedia magazine; Feb. 1995)

  • 10) You wake up one morning and find your screensaver has been taken over by a Max Headroom version of Rush Limbaugh.
  • 9) Special at CompUSA: a free assault weapon autographed by Newt with every purchase of a quad-speed CD-ROM upgrade kit.
  • 8) New password sequence on America OnLine offers moment of prayer before log-on.
  • 7) Jesse Helms refuses to put American data under control of United Nations global servers.
  • 6) Unwed mothers on public assistance are forced to lay fiber optic lines for minimum wage.
  • 5) Cable and telephone bills include defense budget charges for battling rival convergence companies.
  • 4) Welfare recipients and illegal aliens are limited to maximum throughput of 300 baud.
  • 3) Term limits for sysops.
  • 2) No gays allowed in military newsgroups.
  • 1) Congressional home page emblazoned with a photo of Strom Thurmond and the headline, "Pantywaist Liberals Need Not Apply!!"
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