There it is again. Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information
Superhighway." They don't know JACK about the net. It's NOTHING
like a Superhighway. That's a BAD metaphor.

Yeah, but suppose the metaphor ran in the OTHER direction. Suppose
the HIGHWAYS were like the NET. All right! Severe craziness. A
highway HUNDREDS of lanes wide. Most with potholes. Privately
operated bridges and overpasses. No highway patrol. A couple of
rent-a-cops on bicycles with broken whistles. 500 member VIGILANTE
POSSES with nuclear weapons. 237 ON RAMPS at every intersection. NO
SIGNS. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out the window at a passing
truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic laws. Some lanes would VOTE
to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a CAPITAL OFFENSE on Monday
through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would just SHOOT
you without a trial for talking on a car phone.

AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA
victims and a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it. Throwing
DEAD WOMBATS and rotten cabbage at the other cars most of which have
been ASSEMBLED AT HOME from kits. Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER
ENGINES with a top speed of nine miles an hour. Others burn
NITROGLYCERINE and IDLE at 120.

No license tags. World War II BOMBER NOSE ART instead. Terrifying
paintings of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES. Bumper mounted MACHINE
GUNS. Flip somebody the finger on this highway and get a WHITE
PHOSPHORUS GRENADE up your tailpipe. Flatbed trucks with
ANTI-AIRCRAFT MISSILE BATTERIES to shoot down the KRUD Traffic Watch
helicopter. A little kid on a tricycle with a squirtgun filled with
HYDROCHLORIC ACID.

NO OFFRAMPS.

Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system.