If Architects had to work like Programmers

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I
need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just
make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added
or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the
final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdowns for
each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one at a later time.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than

the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you
correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the
floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls
don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly
maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the
incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or
composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared
to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest
materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be
a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted,
however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate (among other
things) my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To assure that you are building the correct house for our entire
family, you will need to contact each of my children, and also our
in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how
the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a
year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and
come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule
any decisions that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to
develop the overall plans for the house and get the big picture. At
this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the
color of the carpeting. However, keep in mind that my wife likes

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to
build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed
plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I
would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind
that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It
therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.
Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a
consensus of the potential homebuyers in my area that they like the
features this house has.

I advise you to run up and look at the house my neighbor build last
year, as we like it a great deal. It has many things that we feel we
also need in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool.
With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our
new house without impacting the construction cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at
this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held
accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of
later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as
this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to
be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen
very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your ideas and
completed plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the
instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your
responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past
and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this
responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer.
Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

Kindest Regards

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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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