How to Speak Southern

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

by Steve Mitchell and Sam C. Rawls (Scrawls)




Ah: The thing you see with, and the personal pronoun used
denoting individuality. "Ah think Ah've got somethin' in mah
ah."



Ast: To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks
information about illegal moonshine stills. "Don't ast me so
many question. I makes me mad."



Attair: Contradiction used to indicate the specific item desire.

"Pass me attair gravy, please"



Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like attair
car, but it sure does take a lot of awl."



Bawl: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. "That gal
cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."



Bleeve: Expression of intent or faith. "Ah bleeve we ought to go
to church this Sunday."



Cent: Plural of cent. "You paid five dollars for that necktie?
Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it."



Co-cola: The soft drink that started in Atlanta and conquered the
world. "Ah hear they even sell Co-cola in Russia."



Cyst: To render aid. "Can Ah cyst you with those packages,
ma'am."



Dayum: A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind."
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum."



Everwhichways: To be scattered in all directions. "You should
have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them
chickens flew everwhichways.



Far: A state of combustion that produces heat and light. "Ah
reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs."



Flares: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant. "If yo
wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares."



Good ole boy: Any Southern male between age 16 and 60 who has an
amiable disposition and is fond of boon companions, strong drink,
hound dawgs, fishin', huntin', and good lookin' women, but not
necessarily in that order. " Bubba's a good ole boy."



Griyuts: What no Southern breakfast would be without - grits. "Ah
like griyuts with butter and sawt on'em, but Ah purely love'em
with red-eye gravy."



Hale: Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna.
(Atlanta) "General Sherman said "War is Hale" and he made sure it
was."



Hep: to aid or benefit. "Ah can't hep it if Ah'm still in love
with you."



Idinit: Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying
Ain't. "Mighty hot today, idinit?"



Jew: Did you. "Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just
stand there and read it here?"



Kumpny: Guests. "Be home on time. We's havin' kumpny for
supper."



Law: Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, PO-leece. "We
better get outta here. That bartender's doen called the law."



Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the
homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon." Does he
drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.'



Mash: To press, as in the case of an elevator button. "Want me
to mash yo floor for you, Ma'am?"



Muchablige: Thank you. "muchablige for the lift, mister."



Nawthun: Anything that is not Southern. "He is a classic product
of the superior Nawthun educational system." (sarcasm)



Ovair: In that direction. 'Where's yo paw, son?" He's ovair,
suh."



Phraisin: Very cold. "Shut that door. It's phraisin in here."



Plum: Completely. "Ah'm plum wore out."



Retch: To grasp for. "The right feilder retch over into the
stands and caught the ball."



Saar: The opposite of sweet. "These pickles Sure are saar."



Shovelay: A GM car. "Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior
Johnson."



Sinner: Exact middle of. "Have you been to the new shoppin'
sinner."



Sugar: A kiss. "Come here and give me some sugar."



Tarred: Fatigued. "Ah'm too tarred to go bowlin' nonight."



Tar Arns: A tool employed in changing wheels. "You cain't change
a tar without a tar arn."



Uhmurkin: Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka.
"Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin."



War: Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals.
"Be careful and don't get stuck on that bob war."



Whup: To beat or to strike. "OOOEEE!!! Yer mama's gonna whup you
fer sayin' a cuss word."



Yankee shot: A Southern child's navel. "Momma, what's this on
mah belly?" "That's yo Yankee Shot."



Zat: Is that. "Zat yo dawg?"


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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.