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Are YOU a Power User?

From: richardm@runx.oz.au (Richard Murnane)
Subject: Power Users II

[original, funny (I hope), offensive to nerds, power users and radio hams...]

(with apologies to Cosmopolitan, Byte, and the ARRL it's...)

The Power User's Guide to Power Users, Part II: The Quiz

Are YOU a Power User?

Your ideal holiday is:
- a. Alone on South Sandwich Island, with a radio, antenna, and lots of beer.
- b. Just you and your Amex Gold Card at any Silicon Valley computer conference.
- c. Anywhere at all, as long as you can take along your PC.
Your ideal spouse:
- a. Someone who owns controlling stock in Yaesu, Icom, and Kenwood, and doesn't mind being alone while you're away on a "DX-pedition".
- b. Owns controlling stock in Borland, Microsoft, Lotus, IBM, and Novell, and buys you software upgrades on your wedding anniversary.
- c. "What? Er, you mean, like, a woman?"
Your favourite food is:
- a. "Food? Who cares about food? JY1 is on 20 metres right now, calling 'CQ DX'!"
- b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?"
- c. Anything with caffeine in it, for those overnight debugging sessions.
Your favourite book is:
- a. Anything published by the American Relay Relay League.
- b. Anything with the words "Power User" in the title.
- c. Anything at all, as long as it's on floppy disk.
What is a GUI?
- a. "VP8GUI? Yeah, he's that guy on South Sandwich Island who sends Morse Code with his left foot!"
- b. "Just a minute, I've got the recipe right here on my database.... Now, how do I run dBase again?"
- c. "A crutch for Power Users who can't handle the DOS command line!"
Two Jehovah's Witnesses arrive at your doorstep: do you
- a. Scream at the top of your voice "you dragged me out of a QSO with JY1 for THIS?!??!"
- b. Invite them in to show them your new Borlosoft MicroNavigator [tm] package, and offer to optimise their path through your neighborhood.
- c. Ask them for the number of their BBS.
What kind of answering machine do you have?
- a. You don't have a phone - anyone who wants to talk to you calls "CQ DX from South Sandwich Island".
- b. "This is a voice response system. If you want to speak to me, press 1; if you want to speak to my wife, press 2; if you want to speak to ten-year-old Jimmy, press 3..."
- c. A V32 modem with auto-answer.
At the supermarket, the checkout-person is having trouble scanning your box of cornflakes. Do you:
- a. Run out of the supermarket without your groceries. (You just heard on your scanner that the 6 metre band has just opened up to Europe.)
- b. Pull out your cellular phone, call IBM Tech Support...
- c. Hah! What do checkout chicks know about technology? You scanned everything while she was packing the previous customer's groceries.
What is your greatest programming achievement?
- a. Making your PC conduct Morse Code contacts with 57 'rare' countries, without human intervention!
- b. Getting a macro published in "DBMS" magazine that sorts a column of numbers.
- c. "When GEnie went down that time, they blamed it on the San Francisco earthquake, but *I* know it was _my_ worm! [evil cackle]"
Which of these statements is most likely to pass your lips?
- a. "JY1 UR 59, 73! QRZ?"
- b. "Jennifer, call IBM Tech Support, would you? I'm getting a 'write protect error' thing on my CD-ROM drive."
- c. "Yeah, a '486 with 16Mb, 1.44 3.5 and 1.2 5.25, VGA, WORM drive, and a V.37 M7F at 14400bps! Hacker's heaven!"

SCORING:

If you answered...

Mostly 'a': You must be a Radio Ham. Your spouse will divorce you, but you will be too wrapped up in a 20 metre band CW contest to notice.

Mostly 'b': You are a Power User. Your spouse will leave you for a Power Lawyer, who will hit you with a "Look 'n' Feel" lawsuit, but you won't know what it is you should have been looking at and feeling.

Mostly 'c': You are a Computer Nerd. Spouse? Are you kidding?

Either way, looks like you'll end up alone. Sobering thought, isn't it?

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