Star Wars vs. Star Trek
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From the Internet Oracularity #852, as found in rec.humor.oracle.

Date: Sat, 17 Aug 96 10:12:17 -0500
From: Internet Oracle
Subject: Internet Oracularity #852-03

Selected-By: Christophe

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Tell, Great Ones, which is better: Star Wars or Star Trek?

 
 

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

Star WarsStar Trek
Takes place long ago, in a galaxy far, far away.Takes place in the future, in a galaxy very near.
Lots of sequels. More on the way, including spinoffs.Lots of sequels. More on the way, including spinoffs.
Young hothead (Luke Skywalker) matures and learns to use strange mental powers.Young hothead (Wesley Crusher) matures and learns that he has strange mental powers.
Humans run the galaxy.Humans run the galaxy.
Aloof princess needs help.Aloof Betazoid offers help.
Action toys sell well.Action toys sell poorly.
Strange alien (Yoda) offers moral guidance.Strange alien (Spock) offers logical guidance.
Annoying 'droid (C3PO) has a stupid name, talks funny, walks funny, and gets partially disassembled from time to time.Annoying android (Data) has a stupid name, talks funny, walks funny, and gets partially disassembled from time to time.
You've got a good chance of being killed off if you're wearing a Storm Trooper uniform.You've got a good chance of being killed off if you're wearing a red shirt.
Frequent explosions in vacuum violate laws of physics.Frequent explosions in vacuum violate laws of physics.
Darth Vader is actually Luke's father,Dr. Crusher is actually Wesley's mother.
and Princess Leia is actually Luke's sister.Well, duh.
Cute ewoks cause problems, then turn out to be helpful in the end. They also provide some comic relief.Cute tribbles cause problems, then turn out to be helpful in the end. They also provide some comic relief.
Major characters get killed sometimes but come back later as benevolent ghostly appearances.Major characters get killed occasionally but come back later as special guest appearances.
Without the special effects, would have five minutes of screen time.Without the special effects, would have five minutes of screen time.
Hotheaded pilot (Han Solo) has been in trouble with the authorities.Hotheaded pilot (Tom Paris) has been in trouble with the authorities.
Evil beings who want to take over the galaxy live in a city-sized spherical spacecraft.Evil beings who want to take over the galaxy live in a city-sized cubical spacecraft.
Space warp will get you there, unless it's broken.Space warp will get you there, unless it's broken.
Never let the laws of physics spoil a good plot.Never let the laws of physics spoil a good plot.
Aliens eat strange food, and speak strange languages.Aliens eat strange food, and speak good English.
Nobody wears a space suit.Nobody wears a space suit.
Everything gets solved in the last few minutes.Everything gets solved in the last few minutes.
Space weapons look cool.Space weapons look cool.
Large furry alien (Chewbacca) speaks a strange language but still understands English. He is always gruff but helpful.Large furry alien (Worf) speaks a strange language but still understands English. He is always gruff but helpful.
In the end, you can win if you turn off your high-tech gadgets and use the Force when it's needed.In the end, you can win if you turn on your high-tech gadgets and use force when it's needed.

You owe the Oracle (incarnated as g. t. ) a shorter wait for new episodes.



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