SPAM Haiku

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(This apparently came from the SPAM Haiku Archive Home Page, which is now located here: http://pemtropics.mit.edu/~jcho/spam )

SPAM Haiku Vote Tally from the Second 1000

Total Top 50 Votes Cast: 329

Top 50 SPAM Haiku Vote Tally:

Votes: 20

They have no more SPAM
My hands tremble with anger
Clean-up on aisle 5
--Cissy Hartley

Votes: 16

I allowed the SPAM
To slide to toilet from can
Saved time and trouble
--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

Votes: 15

Boy trapped in ice box
Nothing else inside but SPAM
Boy eats own left foot
--Anonymous

Votes: 14

Using only SPAM
Grandma made some tasty treats.
We set her on fire.
--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

Votes: 13

Critics will scoff: "These
aren't real haiku." We'll retort,
"So? SPAM ain't real meat."
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

Votes: 11

Formless spawn of pork,
Leers with gelatinous gaze,
Taunting my lean soul.
--William Bradford, tslug@peak.org

If Hormel branched out
With new meat types, we might see
Spicken, Spish, or Speef.
--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

Drunk crippled Ewok,
Dead on sidewalk, piss-drenched fur,
SPAM just out of reach
--Charles Campos, chaz@mailserv.edcc.edu

Pepto-Bismol / SPAM
One yin to the other's yang
Pink pursuing pink
--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

Votes: 10

Knock knock. "Trick or Treat!"
Winking, I said "Here's your 'Treet'."
The brats torched my house.
--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

Roseate pork slab
How you quiver on my spork!
Radiant light, gelled.
--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

Turkey-shaped SPAM for
Thanksgiving dinner. None give
thanks but the turkey.
--John St. Croix, JSTCROIX@HR.HOUSE.GOV

Votes: 9

"Life is like a tin
of SPAM: you never know which
pig parts you're getting."
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

"A SPAM murder, Holmes?
Whither the murder weapon?"
"Alimentary."
--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

What a mockery--
Lettuce and fruits surround SPAM.
Why gild the lily?
--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

Eat or be eaten.
With SPAM, you can never be
sure who is winning.
--Ben Hitz, hitz@cumbnd.bioc.columbia.edu

Votes: 8

I say "to-may-to"
you say "to-mah-to." I say
"SPAM," you say "pure crap."
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

Fuchsia and chartreuse
The breakfast of champions
SPAM and Mountain Dew
--Bill Turner, turnerwj@muohio.edu

SPAM SHAM arrested
for "Incitement to Haiku"
and "Contempt of Pork."
--Rory, son of mickman

Votes: 7

AMSPay aikuhay
Ogicallay Anguagelay:
Igpay Atinlay.
--Artinmay Oodabay, booda@datasync.com

Votes: 6

The Lord is my swine-
herd; I shall not want. He forms
me to fit in tins.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

Economy class.
The entrŠ choice: SPAM or SPAM.
Oh, look! Parachutes!
--Bill Lafferty, mr_bill@ix.netcom.com

How my hands tremble
Applying a light coat of
SPAM-colored lipstick
--L. Sheahen, lsheahen@nas.edu

you can buy a nice
prostitute in vietnam
for a can of spam
--heightj@coral.indstate.edu

Not-so-wise Man brings
SPAM. Manger doorknob hits his
Ass on the way out.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

Jessica Fletcher
Finds body with SPAM beside.
Suicide? Murder?
--Suzanne Schufletowski

Votes: 5

God said, "SPAM thou art
And to SPAM thou doth return.
(After some grinding.)"
--Stephen Price Masticola, masticol@scr.siemens.com

Opening the can
Provides a sense of wonder:
"Who has lost their lunch?"
--Reber Clark, rebermuse@aol.com

What is this SPAM loaf?
It is the piece that passeth
All understanding.
--Mike O'Connor (K.M.O'Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

SPAM, the perfect grub
For soldiers marching to war.
They'll kill for real food.
--Mike McGaff

Votes: 4

Wrote homework on SPAM
But when I tried to find it
Dog had eaten it
--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

SPAM spawned a romance
Stared into her eyes, and shared--
One can, and two spoons
--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

Grills spew smoke on mall.
D.C. filled with barbeque.
The million-SPAM march.
--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

Immanuel Kant
tried to justify SPAM in
Critique of Pure Pork.
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

What meat through yonder
window breaks? It is SPAM, and
Juliet lies hurt.
--Ed Wood, edw@ttgwest.com

Spamasaurus Rex
cloned from old loaves' DNA
in Jurassic Pork.
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

Three little piggies
Went to market. Chop, chop, chop.
Well, well. I'll be spammed!
--Mike O`Connor (K.M.O`Connor), mickman@intonet.co.uk

When you fry a slab
It seems to form a red scab
And grease oozes out.
--Greg O'Rear, jgo.systems@mhs.unc.edu

Votes: 3

In order for it
To be shaped that way something
Has to extrude it.
--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

A madman, obsessed
by SPAM, screams, "Stop me before
I haiku again."
--Chris Fishel, ctf2m@virginia.edu

Circled by Triscuits
Abbatoir aroma thick
The Pillar of Oink
--Chris Meagher, meagher@cimmetry.mfg.sgi.com

Votes: 2

U.S. Air Force tests
Blasting SPAM at plane windshields
Should have opened can
--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

They enjoyed the stew
But when offered SPAM ice cream
My dinner guests left.
--Tom Elliott, Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

Consider these two,
SPAM and tofu: both cubes, both
A misery meal.
--GayLee Kilpatrick, tmpsfgit@wln.com

U.S. troops arrive,
And with them, M.R.E.'s. Blight
Spreads through Bosnia.
--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

Wist not that a ham
hideth th'immaculate Lamb?
Myst'ry, Thou art "SPAM"!
--Dave "Milton" Bieri, BIERI@IDX.IDX.COM

A la Recherche du
SPAM Perdu: instructions for
Reclaiming spoilt meat.
--Martin Booda, booda@datasync.com

Votes: 1

Bite once: it's just lunch
Bite twice: it starts to entice
Bite thrice: paradise
--Ken Zuroski, zuroski@cmu.edu

Vote tally form last updated: February 15, 1996

SPAM is a registered trademark of Hormel Foods Corporation.

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