Rectal Wizard for Win 95

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From: (Jack A. Grey)

bt059@cleveland.Freenet.Edu (Dave D. Cawley) writes:

> For some unknown reason, maybe because Gates and friends have their
>heads up their asses, this thread is in
> But the pathetic part is that this is the *MOST* interesting
>thread in the damned newsgroup! If I have to see another ad for a 1-900
>number, I'm gonna kill someone! I *REALLY* long for the good old days,
>only 1.5 years ago when there was almost no advertising on the Net.
>It was such a nice place before AOL, Compuserv and the others arrived.

Well, I see it here on alt.folklore.computers, but, as long as we're having a spasm of senseless cross-posting here, please allow me to introduce myself, I am the distributor of the amazing new shareware product for Windows '95, 'Rectal Wizard'. Originally destined for a slot in the Windows '95 Plus Pack, my deal fell through after an unfortunate testing accident that left several beta testers no alternative but to learn to mouse and type standing up for the remainder of their earthly days.

But, no matter, the bugs in Rectal Wizard are now as well integrated into the Windows '95 platform as any one would find in this Gates-given bit of destiny. We have worked hard to give Rectal Wizard that authentic Windows '95 look AND feel.

But, you ask, "What does Rectal Wizard do for me?". I knew that question was on your lips ( or close by in any case ), suffice to say that using pain in one location to draw attention away for pain in another has long been a standard tool in the relief of suffering, a traditional remedy the use of which has spanned thousands of years in both East and West.

When Windows '95 munches your system or mulches your data, Rectal Wizard 'senses' the injury and applies its magic to what is presumably the end opposite of the pain's location.

The other exciting part of Rectal Wizard is it's ability to interface with a vast number of low-cost peripherals that you may already own. The list goes on and on, the brace-and-bit, the pneumatic chisel, even the common kitchen apple corer can be driven by the Rectal Wizard. And, new peripherals are being added every day - and you thought that you would never have a use for that broken thermometer now the kids are grown up a bit!

So, you may ask, 'How do I try Rectal Wizard?". It's easy, it's shareware, don't wait; the evaluation version may be found at any of the following sites:

World Wide Web, 'Uncle Bugger's Sodomy Playhouse'. http://www.preparation.h/RectWiz.html

Uncle Bugger's All-Night-All-Windows-BBS: 1-800-YBU-YW95

You will also find it periodically posted the the Usenet newsgroup

the latter both UUencoded as well as in the easy-to-dissolve Maim-63 standard.

If you find Rectal Wizard makes the world of Windows '95 computing a little more comfortable, the registration fee is only $500.00, I know it sounds high, but keep in mind you could pay that much for a single night of the relief Rectal Wizard provides.

--- it's just a joke, all rights reserved, Jack Grey 08/30/95 ---

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