Carl Zwanzig "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side,
a dark side, and it holds the universe together...."
Douglas Adams "There is a theory which states that if ever
anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here,
it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more
bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that
this has already happened."
Albert Einstein "Only two things are infinite, the universe and
human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
Woody Allen "Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a
very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember
where they have left things."
Edward P. Tryon "In answer to the question of why it happened,
I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those
things which happen from time to time."
John Andrew Holmes "It is well to remember that the entire
universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others."
Max Frisch "Technology is a way of organizing the universe so
that man doesn't have to experience it."
Kilgore Trout "The universe is a big place, perhaps the
biggest." (Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.)
Woody Allen "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the
universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
Douglas Adams "In the beginning the Universe was created. This
has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad
William J. Broad "The crux... is that the vast majority of the
mass of the universe seems to be missing."
Rich Cook "Programming today is a race between software
engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs,
and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far,
the Universe is winning."
Fred Hoyle "There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I
don't know what it's a plan for."
Ray Bradbury "We are an impossibility in an impossible
Christopher Morley "My theology, briefly, is that the universe
was dictated but not signed."
Edward Chilton "I'm worried that the universe will soon need
replacing. It's not holding a charge."
Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson) "The surest sign that
intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never
tried to contact us."
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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people
email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on
to the subscribers of our various jokes lists.
Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built
up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much
any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes
and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the
blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes.
Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text
files to html.
If you are certain of the authorship of any of these,
email us the author's name
along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the
author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.