FINAL EXAMINATION

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

I remember this from high school... of course parts have been updated.


The complexity of our modern world increases daily such that those criteria which were at one time sufficient to indicate that a Bachelor's degree candidate was ready to face life in the competitive job market are no longer valid. This test has been prepared to remedy this untenable situation. You will note that the test covers a variety of subjects that you have studied. A fully qualified candidate for the job market should have at least a casual acquaintance with all these fields of knowledge.

INSTRUCTIONS

To prevent the temptation to copy, each of you is in a separate test room monitored by closed-circuit television. Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. There is a time limit of 55 minutes. All materials necessary to respond to the questions are provided. No other materials such

as PDAs or other computers are permitted. Begin at the signal of the instructor.

EXAMINATION QUESTIONS

  1. MEDICINE

    - You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of vodka. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
  2. HISTORY

    - Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially (but not exclusively) on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
  3. PUBLIC SPEAKING

    - Two thousand drug-crazed hackers are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
  4. BIOLOGY

    - Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.
  5. MUSIC

    - Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find the piano, flute, and drum under your seat. (Concurrent tap-dancing with the performance will earn extra points.)
  6. ENGINEERING

    - The disassembled parts of an AK-47 rifle and a full ammunition clip have been placed in a box under your desk. Accompanying the parts is an instruction manual in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to your test room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.
  7. SOCIOLOGY

    - What sociological problems might accompany the end of the world? Construct an experiment to test your theory.
  8. MANAGEMENT SCIENCE

    - Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming that you have a IBM 3090 mainframe available supporting 50 remote personal computers attached to 4 interconnected local area networks in which each of the 50 PCs may activate the algorithm concurrently, design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.
  9. PSYCHOLOGY

    - Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun, Rameses II, Hamurabi, and Josef Stalin. Support your evaluation with quotations from each of their works. It is not necessary to translate.
  10. POLITICAL SCIENCE

    - There is a red telephone in the drawer of your desk.
    Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. Identify the demographic impacts on the winner and the resultant political climate.
  11. ECONOMICS

    - Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the U.S. national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan on Cubism, the wave theory of light, and the heredity versus environment controversy.
  12. EPISTEMOLOGY

    - Take a position for or against the truth. Prove the validity of your position.
  13. PHYSICS

    - Explain the nature of time. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. Be brief.
  14. PHILOSOPHY

    - Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its significance. Compare with the development of one other kind of thought.
  15. MATHEMATICS

    - Combining Boolean algebra with the Dirac formalism, derive the basic principles of tensor analysis. Describe the impact of this study on the analysis of quasi-dimensional vectors in non-Euclidean space. Limit your response to 20 pages.
  16. COMPUTER SCIENCE

    - You have been provided with several pencils and a stack of blue exam books. You have three hours. Write a smaller, faster version of Windows 95 that includes all current functionality and is the equivalent of the 1988 version of the MacIntosh operating system.
  17. EXTRA CREDIT

    - Define this universe and compare to two other examples.
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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.