Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road

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Plato: For the greater good.



Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.



Groucho Marx: Why a Duck?



Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken
which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear,
for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian
virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.



Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.



Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within
the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally

valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism
is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!



Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.



Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.



Douglas Adams: Forty-two.



Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.



Oliver North: National Security was at stake.



B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium
from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to
cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.



Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.



Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.



Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the
objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused
the actualization of this potential occurrence.



Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the
chicken depends upon your frame of reference.



Aristotle: To actualize its potential.



Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.



Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events
to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with
the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to
homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.



Salvador Dali: The Fish.



Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.



Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.



Epicurus: For fun.



Jon Singer: To have dinner with a good friend.



Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.



Newt Gingrich: To have an illegitimate baby so it can get onto welfare and be
a parasite on the life-blood of this country.



Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.



Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.



Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on,
but it was moving very fast.



David Hume: Out of custom and habit.



Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.



Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.



Anthony Robbins: How many times have YOU wanted to cross the road, but you
weren't able to, despite your best intentions, your best efforts? The chicken
was able to cross this road of white hot coals because it had tapped into the
power within all of us that I can teach you to unleash, the power that will
let you achieve your deepest desires, your most heartfelt dreams, your most
ambitous financial goals. Just send me money.



Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?



Ronald Reagan: I forget.



John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.



Rush Limbaugh: Who cares. People are more important than chickens. It's time
the Bleeding-Heart Liberals, the Hilary Clintons, and the FemiNazis stopped
ruining this country, where the life of a chicken or a criminal is more
important than the lives of the hard-working American patriots who make this
country the greatest nation in history. I say it's time we fried that Liberal
chicken, and had it for dinner! Yeah!



The Sphinx: You tell me.



Steve Jobs: It was an insanely great chicken! Years from now, people will
understand!



Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!



Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of
life.



Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.



Molly Yard: It was a hen!



Xeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

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