If Operating Systems were Beers

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

DOS Beer:


Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer:


At first, came only in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients
list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you
are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds
you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer:


 

 
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you
can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
drinking Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no
reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer:


Comes in a 32-oz. can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when
you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone
drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer:


Wasn't quite as successful as the manufacturer thought.
The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes
more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32 oz. cans, but when you look
inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them Most people will
probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows
95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at
the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer,
even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:


Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The
can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's -- after Windows 95
beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
suggested only for use in bars.

UNIX Beer:


Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
Drinkers of UNIX Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have
you own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either
need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking
UNIX Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer:


The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import.
This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer
didn't understand marketing. Like UNIX Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but
now comes in 32-oz. cans as well. When this can was originally
introduced, it appeard flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't
changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this
beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer:


Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high-pressure
development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list
of ingredients, you're told that it is proprietary and referred to an
unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that
this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a
tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.
If you like what we have for you here on JokeTribe, please do consider donating to us. Any amount, even a small one, would truly be helpful.

 

About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.

 

 

Browse Amazon Bestsellers