Halloween Tips

JokeTribe - THE Best College Humor Archive of Funny Jokes

Good Advice:

  • Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

  • Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

  • When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

  • If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your house move away immediately.

  • If your friends speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

  • When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off or go it alone.

  • As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

  • Never stand in, on, above, below, beside,or anywhere near a grave,
    tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

  • If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out
    that "it's just the cat," leave the room immediately if you value your
    life.

  • If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

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  • Do not take *anything* from the dead.

  • If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.
    Take the hint and stay away.

  • Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know
    what you are doing.

  • If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
    least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that,
    despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
    shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

  • If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior
    such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
    hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

  • Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
    listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if
    you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in
    Maine.

  • If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
    deserted-looking house to phone for help.

  • Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns,
    hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,
    soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.


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About JokeTribe


These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

If you are certain of the authorship of any of these, email us the author's name along with relevant information on how we can verify that they truly are the author so we can give them the credit that they deserve.