What came first, the woman or the department store?
I tried to smoke some hash, but the corned beef wouldn't light!
Death to all fanatics!
Lawyer: a cat who settles disputes between mice.
Tractor pulls: for people who can't understand wrestling.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
If you can't say something nice, say something surreal.
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
I don't want the whole world, just your half.
"Energize," said Kirk, and the pink bunny appeared.
Purranoia: the fear that your cats are up to Something!
Listen to sermon before eating missionary.
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
Baby philosophy: If it stinks, change it.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill.
"That's entertainment." - Vlad the Impaler
Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii?
Professionals are predictable - amateurs are DANGEROUS!
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
Philistines demand David be tested for steroids.
I am Stoned of Borg! Resistance is like, like, I ferget.
I brake for hallucinations.
I brake for animals - and accelerate for small children.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Seppuku: unique Japanese way to let it all hang out.
"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of e-mail!"
Saint Fracas (456? - 458) had a short but raucous childhood.
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Suture Self Magazine, the home guide to personal surgery.
Entomology: I fear no weevil.
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
..and this little piggy stayed home. He's agoraphobic.
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
Zebra: a sports model jackass.
Chirpes: n, A canarial disease, no tweetment.
Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!