- Begins at the tip of South Africa;
- Performs alternating west to east and east to west searches;
- Decrements the latitude argument in a non integer sequence between each search;
- Finds an animal;
- Compares found animal to a known elephant;
- If found animal matches known elephant terminates search else resumes at 3;
An assembly language programmer
Will perform the same search on hands and knees.
An experienced programmerPlaces an elephant in Cairo, Egypt to ensure that the search will terminate properly before initiating the above.
A really experienced programmerEither :
- Places the elephant JUST OFF-SHORE from Cairo, Egypt; or
- Ensures that the elephant placed in Cairo is sky-blue and scarlet with purple spots, green stripes and yellow polka-dots, in order to distinguish it from any elephant which may have been hiding there already.
An engineerAfter determining that an elephant is mammal, gray and weighs 3.628739*(10^3) Kg, will begin the search collecting all gray mammals. When the sum of the weight of all the collected gray mammals equals the specified weight of an elephant, +/- 10% , the search will be terminated.
ConsultantsDon't actually hunt elephants and indeed may never have hunted elephants, but they can be hired at great expense by the hour, plus expenses, to advise those who do.
This will include the time it takes to find out what an elephant is.
- Will formulate a monthly budget, design a Elephant Journal Entry format, a Batch Logging book, add appropriate accounts (both P&L and B/S), and a list of approved authorisors for Journals.
- Enter accruals for the estimated numbers to be caught per month.
- As elephants are caught, Journal them into the appropriate period and reverse out the accruals.
- Keep the droppings in a filing cabinet for audit purposes.
A mathematicianWill first develop a hypothesis supporting the existence of a unique elephant before proceeding with the search as a subordinate operation, collecting all animals found, testing them against the hypothesis and discarding all that don't fit.
A professor of mathematicsWill first develop a hypothesis supporting the existence of a unique elephant before sending his/her students on the search, requiring that they collect all animals found, test them against the hypothesis, and bring all matching animals to him for publication.
StatisticiansHunt the first animal they encounter `n' times and call it an elephant.
Trickle-down economistsDon't hunt elephants. They believe that if you give the elephants a small tax incentive, they will hunt themselves.
PoliticiansDon't hunt elephants but will share any elephants YOU catch with the people who voted for them.
LawyersDon't hunt elephants, but they do follow herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.
Software lawyersWill claim that they know who owns the entire herd based on the look and feel of one pile of droppings.
MBAsOnly hunt elephants they can see from where they're standing.
Senior ManagementSets broad elephant hunting policies based on the assumption that elephants are just like big field mice, but with deeper voices.
CEOsMay try to hunt elephants but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the CEO does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre-hunted before the CEO sees them. If the CEO does see a non-pre-hunted elephant, the staff will:
- Compliment the CEO's keen eyesight, and
- Enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
Quality assurance staffIgnore the elephants and spend their time looking for mistakes the hunters made while packing the jeep.
Sales staffDon't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants the hunters haven't caught yet, and promising delivery two days before the opening of elephant hunting season.
Software Sales staffShip the first thing they catch, write up an invoice for an elephant, modify the documentation to match and promise a real elephant at the next update.
Hardware sales staffCatch rabbits, paint them grey and sell them as laptop elephants.