Nutty questions asked by Lawyers

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From the Salt Lake Tribune:

"Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide...

  1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
  2. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
  3. Q: What happened then?
    A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
    Q: Did he kill you?
  4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
  5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
  6. Were you alone or by yourself.
  7.  

     
  8. How long have you been a French Canadian?
  9. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
  10. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
    A: That's me.
    Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
  11. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
  12. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
  13. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
    A: I'll be three months on November 8.
    Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What were you doing at that time?
  14. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
    A: I used to be.
    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
  15. So you were gone until you returned?
  16. Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there girls?
  17. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
  18. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
  19. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
    A: Not yet.
  20. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
  21. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
    A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
    A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
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These all are jokes that we've had the good fortune of having other people email to us or we've retrieved off the Internet. Over time, we've sent them on to the subscribers of our various jokes lists. Since we're talking some ten years of managing these emails lists, we've built up a pretty sizeable (and FUNNY) collection of jokes. They cover pretty much any category and topic that you can imagine; from clean jokes to dirty jokes and most everything in between, including the much loved lawyer jokes and the blonde jokes and the yo mama jokes as well as those redneck jokes. Remember, we did NOT author them, but we did take the time to convert the text files to html.

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